


A Fool and His Money

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe- non magic, Angst, Barrister Sirius, Chronic Illness, Death of a Parent, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief, Lupus, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mourning, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Student Remus, Sugar Daddy, Trans Sirius, modern marauders, sugar daddy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:54:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 36,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin has an easy life.  He manages his University studies and his chronic illness, and lives comfortably with his flatmate Regulus Black.  Then one day he meets Regulus' older brother and his entire life gets turned upside down when he's offered an opportunity to make his life just a little bit easier.  It was supposed to be just a business transaction between friends.  Feelings were never supposed to get involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this idea was born out of this tumblr post about a sugar daddy situation.
> 
> http://lala-lady-elena.tumblr.com/post/140426634020/luninosity-overhead-while-walking-to-the
> 
> So I'm writing this for our dear Moony's birthday on the 10th March, which is when I will post the final chapter. (There will be 3 total) It does have wolfstar endgame, along with Jily. I know I said no more writing projects for me, but this is for Moony's birthday so of course I'm going to do something nice for him x

Running his fingers back through his wet curls, Remus stared at the black circles under his eyes and sighed. He’d been getting shit for sleep lately, stressed by the cost of his semester’s books, stressed about his job which had cut his hours _again_ , meaning that his student funds were going to have to stretch even further this month—which he wasn’t sure was even possible. Feeling a stress-headache coming on, Remus took a breath and bowed his head toward the sink.

There was a noise suddenly, coming from the lounge, and Remus frowned. He’d only just found this flat—it was a strange set-up really. It wasn’t officially student-housing. The flat was let by someone who’d put an advert up on the University group’s facebook page asking for a flatmate with the most bizarre requests. ‘Looking for flatmate who can deal with strange hours and won’t ask questions.’

Remus didn’t know what that could mean. Serial killer? Cannibal?

More than likely he assumed an artist or something along those lines, but he responded to the ad anyway and ended up meeting Regulus Black. He was short, Thai, hair worn floppy on the top with a severe undercut. He had several tattoos along his left arm, a septum piercing, and didn’t make eye contact.

He was studying to be a chemist, apparently, but had a hobby of experimenting in the kitchen in a rather Sherlock fashion which meant that there would be jars and containers of stuff which he didn’t want to explain, and didn’t want touched.

Remus was more than happy to agree to keep to his part of the flat. 

It was a decent space. The bedrooms were much larger than student housing, there was a large bathtub which Remus envied the moment he’d seen it. The shared lounge was furnished rather posh and comfortable, shelves upon shelves with books—Regulus had waved his hand at them saying, “You can help yourself, I don’t really care about those,”—and several records sat next to a turntable which looked vintage and yet possibly untouched.

The monthly expenses were far less than Remus would have assumed for the place as well. Granted it would still be pushing his budget a bit, especially if his shite job kept cutting his hours. He was finishing his graduate degree in history—in hopes of getting his professorship and teaching at one of the Universities in London—and this term one of his bastard professors had required them to buy no less than twelve books. Twelve. All of which had been written by the professor himself. The fucking egotist.

Remus had checked the prices of them all and nearly fainted. He’d sent off an email asking if digital versions were available, but the reply had been terse and almost mocking.

Absolutely would digital copies of the books be available or permitted.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Remus rubbed the towel over his curls one last time and ventured into his bedroom to finish getting read. He wriggled his jeans over his comfy boxers, adjusted the hem of his t-shirt, then grabbed his socks. He was going to spend what little he had left on some take-away and take the hit of not having his books just yet. He had to stop out and pick up his medication for the month anyway. His lupus was starting to get the better of him. Making his twenty-three years feel like sixty-three. His joints were aching all the time now, and the last time he’d been in for a check-up they’d found lesions on his lungs and his liver which was causing chronic pain. They weren’t bad enough to warrant surgery. Yet.

But his butterfly rash on his face was becoming a permanent fixture and it was by the grace of London’s near-constant fog that his arms weren’t broken out into terrible welts—which had happened four months ago when he’d gone with his dad back to Tel Aviv to visit his gran after her heart attack.

With another heavy sigh, wondering why his luck in life was such shite, Remus decided to brave the stranger in the flat. He’d only been living there just over two weeks, but in that time he’d noticed Regulus had no social life to speak of. He wasn’t exactly the most social of people anyway, which Remus was fine with. But he certainly hadn’t expected random visitors.

Heading into the small hallway, he poked his head round the corner and froze.

There was a man sat on their sofa Remus didn’t recognise, and yet could immediately place him as one of Regulus’ family members. They looked so strikingly similar in the face, it took Remus a moment to register the differences. 

The stranger had a slimmer face, more prominent cheekbones, and a sharper jawline. His eyes were the same sharp grey, however, though where Reg avoided eye contact at all costs, this man’s gaze immediately fixed on Remus. His full mouth quirked up at the left corner. His hair was much longer than Regulus’, near mid-back which Remus only noticed because the tail end of his plait was sticking out along the back sofa cushion.

He was wearing a suit as well, which threw Remus a bit. It looked incredibly expensive, charcoal coloured with a crisp white shirt, maroon tie with a white-gold clip, and his shoes were polished so brightly the light from the window reflected off the tips.

He looked casual, however. He had one arm slung round the cushion next to him, and was regarding the room with a lazy air.

“This must be the elusive flatmate?” he asked.

Regulus, who was sat in the armchair, let out a tiny groan. “Yes,” he said very dryly. “Sirius this is Remus. Remus, my shite brother Sirius.”

“So hurtful, baby brother,” Sirius said, leaning forward to pat his brother’s knee. His long, slender fingers missed, as Regulus pulled away at the last second, but he wasn’t bothered. He merely leant back again and made a beckoning gesture to Remus. “Are you heading out so soon? I was hoping I’d actually get to meet you.”

“He’s probably busy,” Regulus said in a hurry. “No need to inflict yourself on him.” Regulus turned to Remus. “Seriously, you’re free to leave. He can bully me all he wants, you’re not beholden to him.”

Remus blinked in confusion. Beholden? Who even spoke like that? He was aware by Regulus’ accent he had grown up posh but he was more confused than ever now. “I…it’s fine. It’s good to meet you, Sirius.”

Sirius’ smirk turned into a smile, and he shifted to the end of the sofa, giving Remus some room. “See, at least some people have manners.”

“Mother raised us with money, not manners,” Regulus grumbled.

“And look where that got us, eh?” Sirius grinned, showing off sharp canines which were slightly turned to the side, making them poke out over his bottom lip when he smiled wide enough. “So Remus, are you really heading out?”

“Was going to grab some take-away.”

“Well Reg and I were about to head out to pick up his books. Have you got all of yours yet? You’re welcome to join us. Food can be my treat,” Sirius added with a wink which made Remus’ insides go a bit funny.

“Er…I was waiting. Because my funds haven’t come in yet.”

Sirius cocked his head to the side. “Don’t your lectures start tomorrow?”

“Ah,” Remus said, blushing a little. It was difficult to explain to people who never had to worry about money why he couldn’t just buy them anyway. “They do. But it’s fine. The funds shouldn’t be too long.”

“You should come along,” Sirius said.

Regulus gave him a withering glower. “Sirius, don’t. I know what you’re doing and…don’t.”

“What?” Sirius asked. His innocent tone belied the mischievous gleam in his eyes which should have put Remus off, but instead made him more curious. “I haven’t done a thing besides be polite to the person living with you. We should be mates, shouldn’t we?”

Regulus looked like he wanted to say something, but instead scoffed and stood up. “I’m going to change,” he bit, then turned to Remus. “Honestly, you can go.” He almost sounded like he was begging, and Remus very nearly excused himself but he caught Sirius’ gaze again and found he couldn’t say no.

“You look like you could use the company,” Remus replied. And that was true. Regulus looked torn between not wanting to be with his brother alone, and wanting to send Remus off.

When the words left Remus’ lips though, Regulus looked defeated and Sirius looked triumphant. “Suit yourself,” the younger brother said, and stormed off.

“Don’t mind him,” Sirius said, flashing a grin at Remus. “He’s always like that.”

“Well we don’t talk much,” Remus admitted. “But we get on okay.”

“Oh I expect you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here, would you?” Sirius chuckled to himself and shifted so he was facing Remus better. “What are you studying?”

“Mediaeval Theology,” Remus said. When Sirius blinked, he almost laughed. “Ah. It’s…well think of it as the history of the Church. Starting back from the advent of Paulist Christianity.”

“You’ve lost me. We grew up Buddhist, you know.”

“I didn’t,” Remus admitted. “Although I grew up Jewish so when my parents learnt what I was studying they were a little…” He sighed. “They’d hoped I’d go to Rabbinical School and keep it in the family. My dad’s a Rabbi, but I sort of… fell away from the faith.” Remus realised he was blabbing on about his life and quickly steered himself back on topic. “Anyhow, it’s a history degree. I’m hoping to get my professorship after I graduate.”

Sirius’ mouth curved into a softer smirk. “Scholar. Always found those criminally attractive. The studious types.”

Remus found himself blushing at the attention, which was odd. He knew what he looked like, and he was rather unused to that type of attention from either men or women. His love life had been short and uneventful. A handful of girlfriends never lasting more than three months at school, and by the time he got to University he was ill so much that it took him twice as long to finish his degree, and he had had to choose two— between relationships, his education, and his health. The two he could pick were rather obvious.

Not that he minded.

But he’d never had the attention of a man before. Not like this.

“Ah…er…”

Sirius laughed at his apparent discomfort. “So. You’ll come and have lunch with us, yes?”

Remus shrugged. “Alright. So long as Regulus is alright with it.”

“Oh he’s going to be in a strop no matter what. Might as well give him a proper reason, yeah?” Sirius grinned wolfishly as he rose, smoothing down the legs of his trousers. Standing up, Remus could see he was thin—compared to Remus’ larger, curvier form. He had the modelesque stature so there was a damn good chance he was already seeing someone, and just used to being a bit of a flirt. “Don’t mind me. I’m going to help myself to your terrace and have a smoke.”

With that, Sirius opened the door and stepped into the small, rectangular space Remus wouldn’t have called a terrace, being that they couldn’t even fit a couple of small, folding chairs out there. But it was enough room for Sirius to shut the door and light up a fag, and immediately get on his mobile.

Remus sighed, putting his hands between his knees clasped lightly, and looked over at the shadow of Regulus’ bedroom which his flatmate was strolling out of. Their eyes met for a brief second before Regulus dropped his gaze, and walked back to his chair.

He was dressed nicer now, still in jeans but his more expensive pair, and a tight, button-up shirt. He had run a comb through his hair, letting it fall to the side, and he had a smear of something shiny over his lips.

“Don’t let him bully you,” Regulus said sharply.

Remus blinked. “He…he hasn’t. He was just being polite.”

“He’s not being polite,” Regulus snapped. “I…my brother’s an alright bloke most of the time, but he’s fucking mad, okay? I mean, he’s not…he just gets these ideas.” Regulus spat the word, then sighed. “You’re not the first flatmate I’ve had that he got friendly with and they went running off. And I like you. You don’t bother me and you’re quiet and that’s bloody-well hard to find in this city.”

Remus let his mouth quirk up. “Do I seem skittish?”

“No,” Regulus said with a huff. “Only he’s…” He ran his fingers into his hair. “You know what, I’ll let him tell our sordid history over lunch. He loves to describe our fall from grace.”

Remus quirked a brow, but when it was clear Regulus had no intention of elaborating, Remus sat back and waited for the elder Black to return. Which he did, smelling almost sweet in a way, and still smirking. 

“Shall we? Remus, you’re still coming along, yes?”

Remus shrugged. “Reckon so.”

Sirius grinned widely. “Most excellent. I’m famished, and I’ve got us a table nearby at James’ place. Remus, how do you feel about curry?”

*** 

What Remus thought was going to be the typical curry shop ended up being an incredibly posh, high-end Indian Bistro with traditional and modern fusion cuisine. The place boasted dishes which took the traditional recipes and gave them a Michelin-Star worthy twist.

“My very best mate owns this place,” Sirius said as they settled at their table on the first floor near the window. It gave a decent view of the street below, the room high-ceilinged with bright oranges and yellows along the walls. “It was his dream when we were at school.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “No it wasn’t. Your dreams at school were to flood the Great Hall and poison all of Slytherin House. Which you did.”

“Laxatives aren’t poison,” Sirius said, waving his hand.

“Actually when used inappropriately, which you both did, they are,” Regulus said.

Sirius grinned at Remus. “We went to a horribly posh public school in Scotland and the only thing that kept me from going mad was James Potter and our ability to wreak havoc.”

“Ah,” Remus said. He’d of course grown up working-class. The salary of a Rabbi by propriety alone didn’t afford them a lot of luxury, though he never minded. But it was strange being with people like Sirius. He was clearly still very wealthy, but Remus had to assume wherever the money came from, it wasn’t his family. Not the way Regulus hinted at it, anyway. “So Regulus tells me you’re a fallen aristocrat?”

Regulus, who was taking a sip of his water, choked a bit. “Christ, Remus. No tact.”

Sirius, however, threw his head back and laughed. “I like this one. He’s brilliant.”

“So do I,” Regulus growled. “So don’t be a fucking twat about it.”

Sirius pointedly ignored him. “You want the story?”

“Not like that would stop you if he didn’t,” Regulus muttered.

Remus took a leaf out of Sirius’ book and ignored the younger Black. “I’d love it. I’m an historian, you know. It’s my job to collect these things.”

Sirius leant back and folded his hands neatly across the menu. “Well, it all starts with my parents belief that I was born a girl…”

Sirius went on to tell the tale of his coming out at age eleven, once he was out from under the thumb of his oppressive mother and politician father. It had been James who helped Sirius work out his proper gender, and it had been a more-than understanding Headmaster who let Sirius change his name and swap to the boys’ dormitory. They didn’t inform his parents, and it wasn’t until he was sixteen and a vindictive housemate of Regulus decided to write to the Blacks and let them know what their eldest was up to.

“What he’s not telling you,” Regulus said, “was that I was on my parents’ side.”

Sirius’ face fell a bit. “It hardly matters when you came round and got your head out of your arse,” Sirius replied. “James’ family helped me get through Uni, got me a job at Mr Potter’s firm where I’m working now.”

“Firm?” Remus asked, fascinated by the whole tale. Sirius was a mystery, but a fantastic one, and not just from a historian’s point of view. He had to wonder if it was Sirius’ gender that sent Regulus’ former flatmates running and if that was the case, Remus wanted to find them all and punch them. When Remus had left his strict faith, he’d been opened up to a whole world of different identities and in studying history, he studied humans and the way society had evolved.

Remus had never found a lot of sense in gender and sexuality binaries, and though he’d never given his own sexuality proper thought, he never found himself questioning anyone else’s identity.

He blinked, coming back to himself as Sirius started talking again. “I’m a Barrister. I work at a Law Firm with Mr Potter. James was going into law with me, but he was obsessive about this restaurant idea and finally he decided to go for it. I think dad was a bit disappointed, but he put up the money for it.”

“A habit you picked up,” Regulus muttered.

Remus quirked an eyebrow at his flatmate who didn’t elaborate, so Sirius did.

“I pay most of my darling baby brother’s expenses now that I’m fantastically rich.”

“It’s not all from his job,” Regulus snarked. “Our uncle died and left him everything. My parents cut me off when I refused to marry one of my cousins and went to live with Sirius. I think my mum wrote some anti-gay charity into her will in place of her disobedient children.”

Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. “What do you expect from a bloody bitch like that. Anyway, Regulus refused to take actual money from me, so he forces me to take care of him in other ways.”

“No,” Regulus said, giving Remus a funny look. “I absolutely do not force you to do anything.”

“It doesn’t make sense for you to work when I can afford to do this,” Sirius hissed.

Regulus took a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose and looked like he was suffering his brother with very little patience. “We are not doing this right now.”

“Too right you’re not,” came a cheerful voice from the doorway of the dining room.

Remus then turned to see a very tall, very broad man with dark skin, wild hair which stuck up all over, and hazel eyes behind rectangled frames. He was grinning broadly, striding over, and dropped a hand to Sirius’ shoulder.

“Who have you brought today?” the man asked.

“This is Remus,” Sirius said, giving Remus another charming smile. “Remus, this is James Potter.”

Remus half-rose, extending his hand to James who took it and instead of shaking it, yanked Remus up to pull him into a hug. “Oh,” Remus said, startled.

Regulus sighed. “He does that. A lot. You get used to it.”

James leant down, pressing a kiss to the top of Regulus’ head once he’d let Remus go. “Pleasure to meet you. Hope these two have been treating you proper.”

Remus swallowed. “Er? Proper enough?”

“Best we’ll get out of these two.” James leant down and kissed the corner of Sirius’ mouth, making Remus wonder if there was more to their relationship than just best makes. “Anyway I’ve got the kitchen on your food. Remus, do you have anything special?”

“I’m not really a big meat-eater,” Remus confessed.

“No worries. We’re all vegetarian here,” James said with a wink. “I’ll have some masala chai sent out. I’m swamped though, otherwise I’d sit with you. See you later?”

“I’ll be home on time,” Sirius said.

Remus frowned and Regulus answered the unspoken question. “They flat together. Because they’re co-dependent shitheads.”

“I really feel the love, Reggie,” James called out before disappearing.

“I hate when he calls me that,” Regulus complained.

Sirius laughed. “He knows. So anyway, that was James. The love of my life.”

“Oh. So you two…?”

Regulus chose that moment to choke on his water, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “No. I mean we have, obviously. James is impossible to resist, but we’ve moved on beyond that. He’s just my everything.”

“Ah,” Remus said. He briefly wondered what it would be like to have a friend like that, but the concept was so foreign to him, he couldn’t imagine. He found himself, in a way, incredibly delighted by this sudden peek into the strange family and was profoundly grateful he’d answered Regulus’ ad.

He only wondered if that was going to last.

*** 

Clutching his paper cup, Remus eased himself down onto the bench which was strategically located at the exact halfway point where Lily and Remus would be parting ways shortly. But for now he was content to have the tea she’d brought him, and explain his incredibly bizarre experience from the night before.

“…so we get to the bookshop,” Remus said, having just finished telling about the lunch at Potter’s restaurant, “and he asks to see my booklist.”

“And?” Lily asked. Her green eyes were wide, peering at him over the white plastic lid of her latte.

“Well I didn’t think anything of it. Regulus was busy giving off his list to one of the employees there—and I swear Lily I have never met two more posh people than these brothers. Regulus hands off his list like the shop bloke was a valet or something—and the shop bloke actually goes off and collects Regulus’ books for him.” Remus shook his head as Lily giggled. “So Sirius is looking over my list and makes this disgusted noise, then proceeds to tell me that Lockhart was a former school mate of his.”

“The one with all the books?”

Remus nodded. “Mm, the very same. Said he was a poncy shit even back then and spent another ten minutes trying to work out how I can get away with getting the required reading material without contributing to Lockhart’s fortune because apparently the books were ghostwritten by someone else. Not even his own material.” Remus gave a disgusted sigh. “Anyway, after a while he decides he can’t come up with anything, so instead of handing the list back, he gives it to another shop person and goes, ‘We’ll take these as well.’ Then bloody-well winks at me and just pays for it all.”

Lily, who had been taking a sip of her latte, choked a bit. “The whole lot?”

“The whole lot,” Remus confirmed. “But it doesn’t end there.”

“Christ, Re. Who is this bloke?”

“Some Barrister who came into money,” Remus said with a shrug. He’d already told Lily part of the story, though left out personal bits since Sirius hadn’t consented for Remus’ friends to know every small detail. “He then decides Regulus needs to update his wardrobe, so he drags us round shopping for that, and eventually tells me I can either just give up my protesting and allow him to buy the clothes, or he can have Regulus get my sizes and he’ll have things sent over—but things he chooses.”

“He could have good taste,” Lily said for lack of another response.

Remus rolled his eyes. “He kept trying to talk Regulus into these ripped jeans and leather jackets. Like some seventies punk-band reject. Which was bizarre since he was all in some Gucci suit or something, but I have a feeling in his off weekends he’s probably nothing like a buttoned-up lawyer.”

Lily grinned so widely, Remus frowned.

“What?”

“Well it sounds kind of like…” She trailed off and laughed.

“Sounds like what?” he pressed.

“Kind of like he’s prepping to be your sugar daddy.”

Remus’ face exploded white hot. “Oh my god, Lils!”

“Well, think about it,” she pressed. “Flirting with you, buying you things. I’d be surprised if he didn’t hand you a wad of cash at the end of the night.” When Remus blushed further, she slapped her knee. “I knew it!”

“It wasn’t to me,” Remus muttered, feeling absolutely humiliated. “He gave it to Regulus to cover our monthly expenses.”

“Holy shit. Holy shit, Remus! Do you realise how amazing this is? You could literally have this bloke pay your way through the rest of your education and you could quit your shite job and study and not have any debt or anything!”

Remus was shaking his head. “That’s not what it was about. And…and I mean even if it was—and it’s absolutely _not_ —don’t you have to you know…sleep with them?”

“So?” Lily asked. “There’s no shame in casual sex.”

“I’m…that’s not…” Remus spluttered. “I’m not gay, Lils.”

She quirked up one brow. “You’re not?”

“No!” he said with a gasp. “What…you think I am?”

“Well I didn’t think you weren’t,” she said with a shrug. “You haven’t dated anyone since we met and you’re always going on about fit blokes.”

“For you,” he insisted, though deep down it wasn’t like he hadn’t found men aesthetically pleasing. “And well… I mean… Er…”

Her smile widened. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

Remus gulped and looked down. “He’s…I mean you’d have to be daft not to notice it. But you’ve met Regulus. They look so much alike.”

“If you could see your face right now,” Lily said with a laugh. “Remus, you are so gay for him.”

“Shut up,” he muttered.

Lily grinned triumphantly. “Why don’t you like…talk to him about it or something? Ask him what that was all about. Because look, I know people who’ve done the sugar daddy thing and this is usually how it goes. I mean normally you know. There’s a contract, it’s a transaction, but you should like them too. And you clearly do.”

“I said he was bizarre, I didn’t say I liked him!” Remus defended.

“Sure okay,” Lily said with a knowing grin.

Remus wanted to reach out and smack her, but instead he just gripped his tea tighter and felt the paper bow under his fingers. “This is mortifying.”

“I think you’re just clueless. He’s clearly interested in something. Why not take advantage?”

But something struck Remus then. The words take advantage. Because what if Sirius knew the position he was in? What if he knew and assumed someone like Remus, working class and poor and poorly, wouldn’t turn him down. What kind of arrogant berk would even…

By the time Lily was gone and lectures had begun, Remus was fuming. How dare he? How dare that posh, poncy, arrogant bastard assume Remus would be so hard on his luck he’d be willing to trade sex for clothes and food!

*** 

He was meant to go home because he already had several essays set and a lot of studying to do. In books that were bought under false pretences if he was thinking about it. But instead he found himself looking up the address to the Potter Law Firm and ended up getting off the tube close by.

The offices were in Chelsea, of course. And it was a tall building with marble floors and impossibly white walls. 

Remus strolled straight up to the welcome desk and clasped his hands on the top of the counter. “My name is Remus Lupin and I’m here to see Sirius Black.”

The woman checked something on the computer. “I don’t have you listed. Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but it’s important and I think he’ll see me. Ring him up and tell him it’s about yesterday.”

The woman frowned at being ordered about, but it was clear Sirius had enough influence that she didn’t want to risk it if Sirius was someone important. “Mr Black, there’s a Mr Remus Lupin here to see you. He says…I…yes. Yes of course. Thank you, sir.” She cradled the receiver. “Go on up. Fourth floor.”

Remus gave her a tense smile as he stomped up to the lifts and pushed the button. A soothing, casual voice welcomed him in, and repeated his floor back to him after he pushed the button. It should have been nice, but he was viciously insulted and frustrated, and he bit back the urge to snark back at the polite electronic.

When the doors swooshed open, he stormed out, and found a second welcome desk surrounded by leafy potted plants. There was a short man working behind the desk, and he grinned up. “Mr Lupin? Mr Black is expecting you.” He pointed down a corridor to a door with a gold name plaque in the centre.

Straightening his shoulders, determined not to let Sirius boss him about or make him cow, he walked over and shoved the door open.

To his relief, Sirius was alone. He was sat behind a large, Cherrywood desk which held a slim computer, and a handful of photos. The office had floor-to-ceiling windows which overlooked the city, offering a gorgeous view. There was a leather sofa in the corner, a small bar with several crystal glasses, and his law degrees were perched on the walls in ornate frames.

Sirius himself was dressed as he had been before—a pressed suit and polished shoes. His hair was now twisted into an intricate knot against the back of his head, and he was grinning, using a small emery board to file down one of his nails.

“This is a surprise, Remus. Have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”

Remus didn’t lose his scowl as he strolled over and placed his palms flat on the desk. “How dare you.”

Instead of looking concerned or even mildly startled, Sirius grinned. “It’s not the first time someone’s stormed my office before, and really that’s such a loaded question. I dare a lot of things.”

Remus felt his cheeks heat up and he willed himself to hold strong. “You think just because I’m…I’m…I come from a lesser background, you can just do this? That I would take it and be fine with it!”

This time Sirius did blink. He dropped the nail file and leant forward. “Fine with what? Look, sit down, you’re all flush. Let me get you water or—”

“Shut up,” Remus barked. “Just…shut up. I’m not a whore!” He hadn’t meant to shout it, but his insult was bubbling up and it just poured out.

Sirius blinked, then threw his head back and laughed. “Oh my god, did Regulus insult you or something? Is this his fault?”

“No!” Remus spluttered, now stepping back. He started to pace a little, feeling like a caged tiger, and Sirius’ eyes didn’t leave him. “The clothes. The food. The books! The winks and casual touching. I know you’re used to getting your way, but I’m not going to fuck my way through University. I’m not bothered by people who do, but if I wanted something like that…”

Sirius held up his hand, then slowly rose. “I’m sorry…what?”

Remus froze, realising that maybe he should have asked a few leading questions before jumping to conclusions and the blood began to drain from his cheeks. “I…well you…” He cleared his throat. “My friend mentioned you might be a…a…sugar daddy?”

Fuck. His voice had gone soft and he’d lost all of his resolve in the face of Sirius’ confusion.

Sirius, for his part, went a bit pink in the cheeks. “Ah. Well.” With that, he sat back down and folded his hands over his chest. “Actually, I have done that before.”

Remus froze, not sure what to make of it. “Oh. Well I’m not…”

“I didn’t assume you were,” Sirius said, holding his hand, palm-out. Remus this time did sit, though he stayed on the edge of his seat. “I was trying to offer some courtesy because I still recall what it was like to need things. I didn’t meant to insult you, nor did I imply that I thought of you as a whore. Or that I expected anything in return for the gifts.”

Remus took a breath. “My friend Lily said you might be…propositioning me.”

“I have propositioned Regulus’ flatmates in the past. So it’s a fair assumption,” Sirius said, and Remus was almost startled by his open honesty. “But that was not what yesterday was all about.”

“A…alright,” Remus stuttered.

“Though there isn’t shame in it,” Sirius continued.

“I’m not saying…”

“It benefits both parties mutually. It doesn’t even always involve sex—though when it does it’s also beneficial. I don’t like dating but unfortunately my social standing requires me to find dates. And I’ve been in the media. So I occasionally hire boyfriends. Students are the easiest to work with. They have a schedule that doesn’t demand a lot of my time, and the money goes to a good cause. And every one I’ve had I’ve liked them. We’ve become friends.”

“Except Regulus’ flatmates,” Remus asked quietly.

“There was only the one, actually, and they developed feelings. It was an unfortunate situation,” Sirius said.

“Are you aromantic?” Remus blurted before he could stop himself.

Sirius looked startled, then smiled softly and shook his head. “Not at all. But I am complicated and it’s easier for me to do it this way. I don’t have time or the will to dedicate to someone right now. But please know I just found your company pleasant and I didn’t _mean_ anything by it.”

Remus felt torn. Should he believe Sirius? If he was behaving in a way which could very well mean he wanted Remus in that capacity—but was claiming not to…well Remus had nothing to go by. He didn’t know Sirius well enough to trust him.

“Alright,” he said eventually. “I’m sorry for bursting in on you.”

Sirius’ grin went from tense to sunny in a matter of seconds. “Listen. Let me buy you lunch. No strings attached. I’m sure you’ve been at lectures all day and I’ve been in meetings.”

Remus wanted to say no, but he couldn’t stop _staring_ at Sirius and Lily’s words were infecting his brain. Was he attracted to men? Or just Sirius? Either way, his traitorous mouth was answering for him. “Fine, but nothing posh.”

Sirius laughed. “Fair enough. I know a good pub that does vegetarian just round the corner. We can even walk, skip the fancy car.”

Remus knew this was about to spell disaster, and yet here he was, following this man to the lifts.

*** 

The lunch was pleasant. They skipped over the mortifying accusations and Sirius even agreed to answer a few questions about what it was like to hire someone to play a boyfriend. It seemed simple enough, and Sirius did seem to hold genuine affection for all of those he had been with in the past.

“Don’t you ever want to be with someone?” Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. “Ah. Well. I mean there have been times, but it’s just not worth the stress. You must know what that’s like. You don’t date.” He poked a chip at Remus who blushed.

“Yes well, my situation’s a little different.”

Sirius regarded him for a long moment. “Regulus says you’re poorly.”

Remus reached for his pint and swallowed. “It’s not just poorly, really. I have a chronic illness. It’s called Lupus. It’s worse in men and sometimes I’m fine, but the more stress I have, the worse my symptoms are. And it’s not pretty. People get…tired of dealing with it.”

Sirius frowned. “That’s rubbish.”

“It is what it is,” Remus said with a shrug. “Most days I’m fine, then next thing you know I’m spending weeks in bed too exhausted to make a cup of tea let alone get a good shag in. I get welts on my arms and face, my joints swell, I run high fevers. I’m at risk for literally everything. Most people don’t even die of Lupus. They die of the common cold during a flare when their body can’t fight anything off. It goes straight to pneumonia and the next thing you know…gone.”

Sirius flinched. “That doesn’t mean you’re not deserving.”

“Yes, but it’s not always worth the trouble of trying to make someone care,” Remus said. “I’m not…I’m not bothered by it, you know,” he added. “Not everyone needs their Disney Movie happy ending.”

Sirius looked like he wanted to argue, but had no room to really, after his lecture about why he never dated. Eventually he just sighed. “So I guess we understand each other.”

Remus chanced a smile. “You seem alright, and I am sorry I came at you like that.”

“Reckon you had a reason to,” Sirius said. He worried his lip and then said, “Look, this is going to make me sound like a bloody liar about everything I said before but…if you were interested…”

“Sirius,” Remus said with a small sigh.

“It pays better than your job, and it doesn’t need to require sex,” Sirius insisted. “A few dates a month, whenever I have a benefit. And I have it on good authority that it would be far less stress than your current job.”

Remus felt his cheeks heat up. “I…”

“I understand the negative stigma, but I have the money and I like you. You’re not afraid to tell me off and your fashion sense sucks but you didn’t let me bully you into things you didn’t want. And my brother rather likes you and that’s something special. He never likes anyone.”

Remus had to laugh. “I don’t think he likes me so much as tolerates me because I don’t bother him.”

“For Reg, that’s like. Just wait until you meet his boyfriend,” Sirius said and laughed when Remus looked surprised. “He doesn’t come round a lot. He lives in Egypt and visits a few times a year. I don’t need an answer now. Just…think about it, okay?”

Remus looked at the imploring grey eyes and wondered if Sirius had been lying the whole time, but for some reason wanted to believe he hadn’t been. “I’ll think about it.”

Sirius’ face lit up like a menorah and he sat back triumphant. “Fair enough. And if anything, we can be friends. Right?”

Remus took a breath and nodded, although it felt like he was agreeing to some dangerous prank. “Yeah.” He licked his lips and then forced himself to look away. “Friends.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm changing this to four chapters, but it might increase if I can't get everything sorted. Which means the finale might not be posted in time for Remus' birthday but oh well. I hope you enjoy this anyway x

Remus was sat at the table staring down at the small name card. It was simple, embossed black writing on a sort of stark white. Sirius O Black. Then his number. That was it. No glamour, no glitz. Didn’t mention his law practise or apparent habit of paying for boyfriends.

Remus had been startled to find out how common practise it was these days. Students all over the world talked about it on the internet on various social media sites. They had their entire education bought and paid for, never had to stress, never had to worry about being able to afford anything.

The stories all differed, of course. From the ages of the ones providing the funds, to terms, to how spoilt they were.

He wanted to feel bothered and used, but he kept thinking about Sirius’ face, about his genuine offer and claim that he actually liked Remus. The claim he wanted to stay friends even if Remus turned him down.

At first the idea that someone like Sirius Black would need to buy a boyfriend was laughable. Sirius had to be one of the most attractive people Remus had ever laid eyes on—regardless of whether or not he’d given his sexuality much thought. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that not only Sirius being trans, but also having a job as demanding as he did, it probably wasn’t was easy as he thought.

It was quite on par with his own issues. His illness, his strict study schedule, and work.

Work, which had phoned him yet again and had cut him down to two shifts per week. Remus was barely making it with four, and now that had been cut in half. And waiting tables wasn’t exactly an overly lucrative position to begin with, and it was constantly taking a toll on his body. Since landing this job, he’d not had a flare big enough to keep him bed ridden, but it was only a matter of time before he was sacked for it.

Unreliable, they always said. It’s not about the illness, it’s about him being unreliable.

He wanted to cry a little that his only viable option might actually be taking Sirius up on his offer. He closed his eyes and remembered the feeling he got in his gut when Sirius handed over a wad of notes to Regulus to cover the first month’s expenses for both of them. It was shame, and discomfort, and also relief. Relief because he’d already been wondering how he was going to make it. His student funds would cover the bare basics, and then what? How was he supposed to eat? As much as his medications were technically affordable, just a handful of quid a month, what if he didn’t have even that?

His fingers began to tremble and he dropped the card just as the door to the flat opened and Regulus walked in. He looked put out, his grey eyes fixing on Remus before he walked past him for the kettle. It was still warm, but he flicked it back on to bring it hotter as he rummaged round for tea.

Remus could tell Regulus was bothered, and it didn’t take a genius to know the younger had been informed of Sirius’ offer.

“Don’t do it,” Regulus said after some time, breaking the silence with a terse growl. “Don’t let him bully you into…”

“I haven’t said yes,” Remus replied. He curled his fingers round the mug and looked into it.

“I know that look. It’s the same look Benjy got before he said yes and that went to shit.”

Remus blinked up at Regulus who was now adding sugar to his tea. “Sirius said that the problem was your flatmate growing feelings. Which I won’t do.”

Regulus snorted. “That’s what Ben said. He said he wouldn’t fall for someone like Sirius and look what happened.” Regulus dropped into a chair and gave Remus a withering glower. “He promised, and the next thing I knew, he’s moving out because he can’t be around either of us. Because I looked too much like Sirius, and I was a constant reminder of his heartbreak.”

Remus frowned, and then it dawned on him. “You fancied him.”

Regulus coughed, then sighed loudly. “Well. Fine, but he didn’t know that.”

“Do you fancy me?” Remus pressed.

Regulus smiled gently, surprising Remus with the gesture. “No. You’re quite nice and everything but…”

“It’s alright,” Remus interrupted. “But first of all, even if I do suddenly develop feelings for Sirius, it won’t hurt you. You don’t fancy me. And secondly, I won’t.”

“How do you know?”

Remus smiled back. “Because I’m…” He was about to say not gay, but attempting to deny that he was attracted to Sirius was sounding more and more ridiculous. The truth was, he just hadn’t paid enough attention to himself. “I’m too poorly to bother, Reg. Relationships do not work out for me.” He thumbed the rim of his mug and then bravely met the inquiring grey eyes. “They’ve cut my hours at work again. Two shifts per week, and the first time I fall ill, they’re going to sack me. I like it here and I want to be able to afford living here. Sirius isn’t going to pay my way forever just to be nice.”

Regulus looked like he wanted to argue, but in the end slumped back down into his chair. “Don’t let him bully you into something you don’t want. Keep it away from sex. Just…just do the stupid benefits and dates thing. If you do that, you’ll avoid all that other rubbish that got Benjy all caught up.”

Remus’ face softened. “I still haven’t said yes.”

Regulus picked up his mug and rose from the table. “I know, but it’s obvious you intend to. I just don’t want to lose another good man, Remus. I like having you here.”

Remus didn’t say anything as Reg turned and headed out of the room. He was torn, between necessity and fear because he’d never done anything like this. He wanted to assume Sirius wouldn’t ask anything unreasonable of him, but he didn’t even know the man. And what if he became poorly and unable to fulfil his obligations?

It was a lot to mull over, and he didn’t want to do it alone.

*** 

It was how he found himself sat at a café with Lily who had been laughing now for a solid five minutes. Her face was pink, green eyes watery, and every time she looked up at his furious glower, she got started all over again.

“If you’ve quite finished humiliating me…”

Lily waved her hand at him, trying to catch her breath. “I’m sorry, Re. I am. It’s not…I mean it _is_ funny, but it’s not that I’m laughing at you. It’s just…how do you get yourself into things like this? Honestly when we talked about it earlier, I was _joking_.”

Remus tensed his jaw and took a long sip of his too-sweet mocha. “I don’t know. I went there to tell him off and somehow I ended up having chips and curry and actually considering it.”

Lily sobered a bit, giving him a careful glance. “Remus, you don’t have to say yes, you know?”

“I know,” he said swiftly. “I’m not…it’s…I mean he’s nice.”

“And good looking.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “That is entirely beside the point, Lily.”

“If you’re about to go on about you not being gay…” she began, but Remus cut her off with a head-shake.

“I’m not. Obviously I’m…something. Not straight. I just was trying not to think about it, you know? It’s bad enough having this fucking disease eating me from the inside out. I just didn’t want to think about making my life sodding _harder_ by throwing likes to shag blokes in with it.”

“Darling,” Lily said, her tone almost patronising, “you don’t even know if you like to shag blokes. You haven’t tried.”

Remus licked his lips. “Yes well, the several night’s worth of dreams about shagging Sirius Black might beg to differ.”

Which of course got her started all over and it was ten minutes before she had control of her faculties enough to finish their conversation like a reasonable adult. “I think you should talk to him about it,” she said, the corners of her mouth still twitching up a bit. “Tell him your concerns. Ask him for plain answers about what he wants from you.”

Remus worried his bottom lip, and slowly brought out his mobile. “Er. Would you come with me?”

Lily blinked. “To your sugar daddy meeting?”

“Christ,” Remus muttered. “But yes. Yes would you? Because what if I get flustered and forget to ask something important? Forget clarification. It’s like when you’ve got some disease and you need to see your GP and you bring someone with you who can ask the questions you’re too stressed to remember.”

Lily blinked at him. “Did you just compare being Sirius’ contracted boyfriend to being terminal?”

“Not terminal,” Remus muttered, but flushed. “I’m only saying…”

“Yeah,” she interrupted. “I bloody-well will go with you because there’s not an amount of money I wouldn’t pay to watch you sign a sodding boyfriend contract.”

He almost wanted to tell her to bugger off, but he didn’t trust himself to do this right. So he’d have to suffer her slagging and laughing at him, and really if he didn’t love her so damn much, this wouldn’t be a problem at all.

Ignoring her gleeful smirk, he sent off a text to Sirius. **Hi, it’s Remus. I was wondering if we could get together and chat. About terms…and stuff. If you’ve free time.**

He hated that he sounded like a bloody child. He was only a couple of years younger than Sirius, they were peers. No matter how richer or more successful he currently was. Remus was not a child. He as an articulate, intelligent man who was doing this to benefit his future. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

When his phone buzzed, he actually yelped, nearly dropping it, and ignored Lily’s snicker as he thumbed the screen open.

“What’s it say?” Lily demanded. 

“It says, ‘I can be free in ten minutes. Care to meet me at James’? It’s only I promised to head home with him after work and this would be perfect timing. I promise he won’t bother us or take the piss.’ So…”

“So text back and tell him yes. Where’s this place?”

“Chelsea.”

Lily let out a low whistle under her breath. “Posh fuckers. Well, we can take my car.”

Remus sent off a text telling Sirius he’d be there as soon as he could. He decided to leave off the bit about taking Lily, wanting to see if he would be thrown. He didn’t want to give Sirius time to prepare if he was going to show a different face round other people.

Remus knew he was being a bit paranoid, but he’d never done anything like this before and honestly it was just barmy. Some might consider it a miracle—being able to have half their years of Uni bought and paid for for a handful of dates, but Remus was not the type to think things like this came easy.

He just couldn’t let go that Sirius didn’t have some ulterior motive.

Either way, he’d trust Lily’s judgment. They headed to her car, and in spite of the shite traffic, arrived at James’ not long after. It was a short walk to the front doors, and Lily’s eyes widened at the posh interior. “Christ,” she muttered, leaning into Remus.

There was already a small queue for a table, the downstairs fairly packed with patrons. Not that Remus could blame the people. The food was amazing, better than he’d had in years. But it just leant itself to the divide between people like Remus, and people like Sirius and James which left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He felt lowly, like he had to prostrate himself, to enslave himself to the rich just to get by with the bare minimum and he hated it. He felt resentment pooling in his gut, and yet again he wondered if this was a good idea.

“We’re meeting with er…Mr Black,” Remus said, trying to keep his tone neutral.

The hostess brightened immediately. “Ah yes, he’s expecting you.” She gave a sort of withering look at their dress—Remus and Lily both very casual, and not the type of six hundred quid jeans type of casual that clearly frequented the restaurant. Remus’ trainers were worn, and Lily’s handbag was something she’d made herself—brightly coloured patchwork fabric.

But Remus refused to care. He stepped a bit closer to her, and they followed the hostess up the stairs to the first floor where Sirius was waiting at the same table as before. He was in the middle of sipping a beer from a wonky looking pint glass when he saw them, and his eyes widened a fraction at the sight of Lily.

He didn’t lose his composure though, his lips gracefully arching into a smile as he rose. The hostess gave a small curtesy as she backed up, then left the empty area to the three of them.

“Tell me you’re not about to introduce me to a girlfriend,” Sirius said, his tone smooth even as he extended his hand to shake both of theirs.

“Would that be a deal breaker?” Remus challenged. His tone was already icy, and it seemed to throw Sirius off a bit.

“Not necessarily, though because I’m going to ask you to function as my boyfriend in a very public setting, you’ll have to keep yours secret.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend. My name’s Lily. It’s nice to meet you.”

Sirius brightened after that, beckoning them to sit. “I’ve already ordered. I hope that’s alright?”

“Fine by me,” Lily said. “I’m starved.” She immediately unfolded her napkin and dropped it onto her lap. “So…sugar daddy, eh?”

Sirius’ eyes blinked wide, then he threw his head back and laughed. “Are you boasting about me all over the city, Remus?”

“No,” Remus said sharply. “She’s my best friend, and she’s the one who worked it out before.”

Sirius turned his gaze back to her. “So you’re the one who sent him tearing into my office to rip me a new one?”

Lily blinked, then giggled. “Is that what you did? You neglected to mention that bit of the story.”

Remus flushed. “I hate you both.”

Sirius shrugged. “It was well spotted, my dear. Although as I assured Remus, it wasn’t my intention. It just ended up being convenient.”

Lily cocked her head to the side. “So why did you, then? With the books and clothes and everything.”

Sirius’ grin widened. “Well he’s just a bit adorable, isn’t he? Begging to be spoilt.” When Remus’ blush reached volcanic levels, Sirius gave him an apologetic smile. “Honestly, I like doing things like that. I grew up with everything being conditionary. My parents gave me and Reg whatever we wanted, but with a price. We behave exactly as they want us to or else we’d be thrown out without a penny to our names. No better than beggars.”

“Money doesn’t make you better,” Lily said.

“I know that, love. It took me a few years to work that out, but being destitute and legally orphaned does put things into perspective. Of course I was brought in by the Potters soon after so I didn’t want for much. I’ll never fully understand what it’s like to _want_ and _need_. But I promised myself the very last thing I’d do is not be generous any chance I got.”

Lily watched him for a moment, then turned to Remus. “Yeah. I like him.”

Sirius beamed as Remus gave an inward sigh. “So you brought her here to vet me, is that it?”

Remus shrugged. “That. And also to make sure I wasn’t getting in over my head seeing as I’ve never done anything like this before. It’s all a bit…overwhelming.”

Sirius nodded. “Understandable.” He was cut off when a server in an almost fuschia hijab sauntered over, and put her hand on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Entertaining?” she asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but smiled up at her. “Yes. Marlene, darling, this is Lily and Remus. My new best friends.”

Marlene gave Lily a slow up and down. “Has James met her yet?”

They exchanged a knowing look which made Remus and Lily exchange a curious look of their own. “No, but he’s bound to come and stick his big nose in my business any minute now.”

Marlene laughed, then put her hand out to them both. “It’s good to meet you. I’ve known these idiots for ever. Went to school together. Good sorts, even if they are a bit full of themselves.” She squeezed Sirius’ shoulder. “Food’s on its way now.”

As she backed away, the food arrived as it had before. There were bowls of rice, along with dal makhani, saag paneer, vegetable masala, and chana masala. Remus recalled mentioning those as his favourites, and wasn’t sure if Sirius had deliberately ordered them or not—and if he had, was it a ploy to win him over?

“Mm, lovely,” Lily said, grinning widely. “Remus, if you do this, you’re going to be so bloody spoilt.”

“Fuck off,” Remus muttered, but he was wondering how true that was. By the look on Sirius’ face—a bit wolfish and oddly pleased, Remus thought maybe Lily was right. And he wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that.

Still, the conversation turned off topic, and fairly pleasant as they ate. Sirius asked Lily about her degree, her aspirations for when she was finished. They chatted about her childhood and the strain between her and her sister. Sirius was sympathetic to that, sharing the strain he had with Regulus.

Remus was a little surprised at how candid the other man was with his past. Remus’ hadn’t been half as bad, even with the pressure he suffered from his parents to stay in the faith, and he rarely spoke about it. But to see Sirius so open and honest, it made Remus second guess his suspicions of the man. Especially when halfway through, Sirius came out to Lily as being trans.

“It wasn’t a tough decision, really,” he said, dipping a corner of his naan into the saag. “I mean, I’d always known I was a boy, but having the support of my housemates, James especially who wouldn’t take shit from anyone about it—it sort of gave me a bravery I didn’t know I was capable of. It’s why when it came down to leaving my house, I wasn’t stopped by my fear.”

Lily’s face was drawn in sympathy and a little bit of awe. “Well thank god Remus answered that ad, eh? I think you two have a lot in common.”

“Lils,” Remus said carefully, “this isn’t like a real relationship here. We don’t need to have a lot in common.” He gave Sirius a help-me look.

Sirius regarded him carefully, then quirked a smile. “Well true enough, though getting along does help. Honestly, Remus, I’d like us to at least be friends.”

Remus licked his lips. “Can we talk terms or…?”

Sirius gave a quick glance to Lily who was trying to make herself seem small and unnoticed, but Remus still wanted her there, and Sirius didn’t say a word against it. “Of course.” He pushed aside his plate, then pulled a few documents out of his case which Remus hadn’t seen before now. “I’ve drawn up a simple contract. It protects the both of us, being that this is a financial transaction and everything. Generally it comes with a weekly allowance which can be renegotiated at any time. If you find yourself needing more, of course.”

Remus swallowed, the uncomfortable feeling making itself known again as Sirius continued. “Any monthly expenses can be forwarded to me. Medications…things like that. I already handle Regulus’ side of the household expenses so we’ll just add yours onto that as well.”

“Er. Alright.”

“University fees will be covered. Books and everything,” Sirius said, making a small notation in the margin of the contract. “For the duration of the contract, of course.”

“Which is?” Remus asked.

“Up for negotiation,” Sirius said with a shrug. “Three years is my standard, though it’s never lasted that long.”

“Penalty for terminating early?” Lily asked.

Sirius cocked his head to the side. “None. This is consensual. If for whatever reason you’re not happy, Remus, you’re free to go.”

“Nothing owed?” Lily asked.

Sirius shook his head. “The funds stop, of course, but nothing owed. I want us to be friends. I’m not a bad person, you know. This isn’t some punishment.”

Remus licked his lips, thinking about how often Sirius said that he wasn’t a bad person. Thinking of how fixated he seemed to be on making sure Remus believed this was for his benefit too. It made him wonder who made him feel like that. His family, more than likely, but how badly was it?

“I’m actually going to be finished with my degree in two,” Remus said. “Provided no lengthy hospital stays.”

At that, Sirius flinched. “Right.”

“It’s really just a matter of me attempting to find a job that won’t sack me when I need sick leave,” Remus said from behind a tiny sigh.

“I’m going to work in assisting you with any contacts we’ve got at the firm. You’d be surprised the types of clients we’ve represented.” Sirius made another notation on the contract.

“Fine. We’ve heard what you want to provide, but what’s Remus got to give in all of this?” Lily said, putting her hands flat on the table.

Sirius looked at her, then smiled. “I like your manager, Remus.”

“She’s not…” he started, but he was promptly ignored.

“My main concern is benefits and public outings I need to participate in. We represent a lot of charities. It means some travel. It will mean some level of public affection. I’m doing this because I want certain people off my back.” Sirius didn’t clarify, and Remus didn’t ask. “For all intents and purposes, we are in a monogamous relationship and the only people who know presently will be James, and you Lily.”

Remus blinked. “And Regulus?”

Sirius grinned. “Has he given you his opinion?”

Remus took a breath, not sure how detailed to get, but he figured he’d might as well be completely honest. “He asked me not to fall in love with you.”

Sirius flinched hard, looking away. “Right.”

“He’s not in love with me,” Remus clarified. “He merely said that he doesn’t want to lose me as a flatmate.”

“So he brought up Benjy then?”

Remus nodded. “He did.”

Sirius tapped the end of his fountain pen on the paper, then nodded. “So long as this won’t cause conflict between the pair of you…”

“I think we’ll be alright,” Remus said.

Sirius nodded.

“I think,” Lily cut in, “you should clarify what you mean by public affection. How far do you want him to go?”

“Hand holding,” Sirius said. “Hugs, the occasional kiss. Nothing untoward. We may do room and bed sharing, but I promise I don’t snore or kick in my sleep.”

Remus flushed. “Sex…”

“Is never negotiated. I don’t like the idea of someone being obligated to have sex with me. It removes the ability to consent.”

Remus blinked for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.”

“No relationships with anyone else. If you meet and develop feelings for someone, you have to tell me and we’ll terminate the agreement straight away.” At this, Sirius looked a little bothered, but Remus decided not to ask.

“And same goes for you? Should you actually fall for someone?” Remus said.

“I doubt that will be a problem but…yes,” Sirius said. “I’ll draw up an official contract obviously. You and your darling manager can go over it, and we can seal the deal by the weekend.”

Remus fiddled with his fork in the now-cold curry, then nodded. “Alright.”

Sirius lit up brightly. “If you think of anything between now and Saturday, just text me, okay?”

Before Remus could answer, a movement in the doorway to the dining room distracted him, and he looked up to see James striding over. He was wearing a partially stained chef’s jacket, a floppy hat clutched in his hands, and he was giving the table a surprised smile.

“Introduce us immediately,” James said, sliding into the chair next to Sirius and fixing his gaze on Lily.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “James, this is Lily—Remus’ better half.”

James startled. “Better half? I thought…”

“It just means I’m better than he is,” Lily said, giving James an appreciative up and down look. Not that Remus could blame her. James was good looking—perhaps not his type, though he couldn’t begin to know what that was—and he was definitely someone Lily would find pleasing. 

James relaxed almost instantly, lounging back and putting one hand round Sirius’ shoulders. “Excellent. Well, it’s good to meet you. How’s everything going here?”

“Rather well,” Sirius said, smiling very softly at Remus making his insides squirm a bit. Remus chalked it up to Sirius being so good looking—and Remus was not used to people as good looking as Sirius paying him any mind. He wondered, though, how often he was going to have to remind himself this was a fake relationship. “I think we’re nearly sorted.”

“Good man,” James said, winking at Remus. “So. When do you settle it?”

“Saturday,” Sirius said.

“So lunch at ours, then? On Sunday? Mum and dad are in Panaji for the next few weeks, so it’ll just be us.”

Remus lifted an eyebrow. “Er…?”

“We have a standing lunch with the parents,” Sirius explained. “On Sundays. But it might be a nice way to celebrate the contract. I think Bill’s going to be round too, so Reg will want to bring him.”

Having just learnt about Bill to begin with, Remus was overly curious about a man who could capture the heart of his finicky flatmate. He found himself nodding and looking to Lily who seemed far too delighted to participate in this mad idea.

“Count me in,” Lily said. “I’ll beg some time off from the shop.”

“What do you do?” James asked, giving her a far too interested look than he rightfully should.

“Florist. I’m going to be a doctor, though.”

James brightened. “That’s fucking brilliant. Anyway it’ll be some take-away obviously, since mummy isn’t here to cook.”

“Aren’t you an actual chef?” Lily challenged.

“I am. And I absolutely refuse to bring my work home,” James said sternly. “But I know an amazing Greek place if you’re keen. Someone as pretty as you, I’d even be willing to compromise my religious morals and bring home some lamb or something.”

Lily flushed, then laughed and shook her head. “I’m used to this one,” she said, nudging Remus. “Vegetarian is fine.”

If possible, James beamed wider. “Brilliant. So we’ll see you then. I’m going to finish up my requisition for the week, then I’ll meet you at the car.” James leant over, pressing a kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth, then with a wink to Lily and sharp wave to Remus, he was off.

“You two shagging? Or just casual gentlemanly snogs?”

“That was hardly a snog,” Sirius said, waving his hand. “Although he’s quite good at it.”

Lily choked on her drink a bit, then grinned. “Why am I not surprised. Anyway, I think this went rather well, don’t you?” She glanced over at Remus who was still a ball of nerves, but he nodded in spite of himself.

“Reckon so. We should probably erm…” He nodded his head toward the door.

As he rose, Sirius got up with him. “I’ll walk you, if that’s alright?”

Remus wanted to protest, but Lily begged off to the loo, and Sirius looped their arms together, pushing his way through the crowd to the street. When they were free of the building, they stopped a bit away from the restaurant and Sirius let him go.

“Remus, are you really alright with all of this? The very last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”

Remus ran his fingers into his curls and tugged a bit. “I don’t know, actually. But the truth is, I feel like I haven’t got much of a choice. My work has cut my hours down to nothing and I’m not going to be able to afford to live with Regulus if it keeps up. They’re looking for a reason to sack me as it is and I just want to get through my degree.” He scrubbed his face, hating that he was admitting this all aloud to the one man who now had potential control over his financial future. But it was what it was. “Being poorly means I can’t keep jobs, and I feel like I owe it to myself to try.”

Sirius looked torn, and he reached out, letting his hand cup gently round the back of Remus’ neck. “I’ll help you anyway, you know.”

Remus blinked at him. “What…?”

“I mean it,” Sirius went on. “If this whole thing is too much, but you haven’t got a choice…”

Remus shook his head. “I think I would feel worse taking charity. I…at least I’m helping you out as well, yeah?”

Sirius’ smile was soft, and a little sad, but Remus didn’t think it was sad for him. “Yeah, you are. I know it sounds absolutely pathetic what I’m doing here but…”

“It’s not,” Remus said. “Maybe not my cuppa, if our positions were reversed, but I still get it.”

Sirius softened further, and carefully removed his hand from Remus’ neck. “It’s why I offered. I hate that you’re in a position to need this, but if we can help each other, why not?”

For whatever reason, it made Remus feel better. Not completely, but it was clear by Sirius’ tone that the other man needed him just as much. And the imbalance suddenly didn’t seem so profound. “And we’re friends, if anything. Yeah?”

Sirius laughed and nudged Remus with his elbow. “Yeah. Definitely. We’ll talk more on Saturday. I’ll send you a text with my address, we can go over the final contract and get it signed. You can even bring Lily if you’d like.”

Remus found himself shaking his head. “Actually I think I’m alright to come on my own. But thanks.”

Sirius nodded, then took a few steps back when Lily appeared, walking over with a small smile. She stood on her toes, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ cheek who blushed a little, and grinned widely. “What was that for?”

Lily shrugged. “Seemed like you needed a kiss. Anyway it was really good to meet you. I can’t wait for Sunday.”

Still looking incredibly pleased, Sirius nodded. “Absolutely. Take care, you two.”

Lily waved, then took Remus’ hand and dragged him off toward the car. When Sirius was no longer in earshot, she gave Remus a wolfish grin. “I think this is going to be good.”

“How so?” Remus demanded.

Only Lily didn’t give an answer. She merely smiled and shrugged, then drove her best friend home.

*** 

Stood outside of his lecture hall, Remus found his mind wandering again. It had been by far the most bizarre weekend he had ever experienced in his young life, and he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it.

He was now officially—on paper at least—the public-face boyfriend of Sirius Black. Who, as Remus discovered after a few hours spent on google, was actually rather well known for his charity work and unfailing ability to win cases for their law firm. Remus was intimidated and impressed, seeing as though Sirius really was only two and a half years older than he was and yet wildly more successful in life.

The weirdest part was, Remus expected to be treated less-than. Maybe like an employee. He’d done some research on the whole sugar-daddy thing and some of the accounts came across as almost humiliating in a way. Something he didn’t think would be worth the money. But it hadn’t been like that at all.

He’d gone over on Saturday to find Sirius walking round in a black t-shirt which hung to his knees, a pair of threadbare boxers, and yellow and black striped knee-socks. His hair was twisted into a lazy bun, and one eye had eyeliner smeared below it like he’d not bothered to wash his face after a night out.

He was grinning though, as he let Remus in. “Hope you don’t mind,” he said, waving his hand up and down his body. “On weekends I blatantly refuse to get dressed unless I have to leave the house.”

Gnawing on his lower lip, Remus shook his head and let Sirius show him round. He lived in a flat with James, and it was one of the more posh ones Remus had ever been in. It had polished wood flooring, marble countertops, squashy sofas which felt like they were made out of fleece, and a massive telly mounted on the wall.

There was a turntable similar to Regulus’, which explained where Reg’s had come from, and records stacked three shelves high beside it. There was some abstract canvas art along the walls, and when Sirius caught Remus looking, he laughed. 

“From my more maudlin early twenties, Sirius said, waving his hand at one that was several shades of blues. “I fancied myself an artist once, but after repeated rejections I realised it wouldn’t be more than a hobby.”

Remus chanced a very careful smile. “Ah well. I mean I don’t know anything about art. But isn’t it all sort of…a bit subjective?”

Sirius’ smile widened as he beckoned Remus to sit, and he kept himself a polite distance. “I suppose you’re right, but I think when multiple people in the field tell you it’s just not for you, it’s time to listen.”

Remus shrugged. “I suppose. As long as you’re happy.”

Something flashed in Sirius’ eyes for just a second, then he stood up. “Tea? Or something else to drink?”

“Tea would be lovely,” Remus said automatically, and let himself relax a few moments as Sirius went to put the kettle on. The place was very nice, large but still cosy. He wondered briefly where James was, though he reckoned the restaurant probably kept him at mad hours of the day and night.

He found himself wondering what the next few years was going to end up like, really. Beholden financially to Sirius, acting out a role. But they’d get to know each other properly, and what then? Would they become friends? Sirius harped on the idea, but Remus took it to mean that Sirius was trying to be polite and make the situation less awkward.

But parents would get involved. From what Sirius implied, the Potters would believe he and Remus were a proper couple, and only James knew the truth. He wondered what James thought of the whole mess. Clearly he indulged Sirius in these mad ideas without outward judgment, but Remus felt a little hesitant at the idea that James would think of him as bought and paid for.

He didn’t seem the type to be horrid about it, but still…

Remus didn’t get a chance to finish his thought as Sirius returned with two mugs of tea. “Sorry, I just realised Jamie and I haven’t been home long enough to remember milk or sugar. Hope that’s alright.”

Remus shrugged, taking the tea and sipped on it. “Perfectly fine, really. So should we get to it?”

“No pleasantries, eh?” Sirius asked with a small grin. “Alright no worries. I have the contract here, which again can be amended at any time. There’s no penalties written in, so you don’t need to feel like you’re stuck.”

Remus swallowed thickly as Sirius reached for a small stack of papers. His eyes glazed over a bit at the small print, but after taking a relaxing breath, he began to scan the words. Some of it was legal jargon, but most written in plain, clear English and from what he could see, Sirius wasn’t lying. He had detailed out everything they discussed at the restaurant, going into more specifics regarding charity benefits, the occasional holiday and travel, and a required two Sundays a month with the Potters. It detailed out what Sirius would be financially responsible for, and when he got to the weekly allowance, he froze.

“This…seems like a lot for such little work,” Remus muttered, not daring to look up at Sirius. It startled him, to be honest. Six hundred a week, which when considering his other expenses were being taken care of, he had nothing to do but save it. Part of him wondered if it was an attempt to make him feel obligated to do more if Sirius ever wanted it.

“Ah, it’s fairly standard,” Sirius said. “Actually some get much more than that. But if it makes you too uncomfortable…”

“I just,” Remus paused and sighed, looking up and deciding he would be sodding brave about the whole thing, and communicate. “I don’t want to feel obligated to venture outside my comfort zone.”

“Ah.” Sirius’ cheeks coloured lightly with a high blush, and he folded his arms almost defensively across his chest. “Remus, I’m not attempting to buy your body or…anything like that. I was rather clear about the sex part.”

Remus fiddled with the edge of the contract. “Maybe it’s because I never had money to just…give like this, but I don’t understand why.”

Sirius looked a bit torn as he reached or his tea, taking a long sip before he answered. “I don’t know how else to explain it to you.”

Remus let out a tiny laugh, his head shaking. “It just seems so barmy!”

“I think maybe,” Sirius said very slowly, “when you accompany me on a few dates, you’ll understand why it’s easier for me to do things this way.”

Remus wanted to ask him if he could clarify, but maybe it was better if he saw it for himself. Before he could say anything though, the buzzer sounded, and Sirius’ face lit up. “Oh, pizza!” A bit like a child, he scrambled from the sofa and grabbed a handful of notes, exchanging them for two large, cardboard boxes. When he came back, he had a bounce to his step which made Remus laugh. It was oddly endearing to watch him jump on the sofa, legs tucked up under him, and he threw open the box.

“Favourite, is it?”

Sirius grinned widely as he pulled a cheesy piece out, throwing it on top of the cardboard lid. “Buggering fuck that’s hot. And yeah it is. It’s so stupid but…I never got this as a child. My parents had sit-down, chef-prepared meals every day. We weren’t allowed to do something so common. Even at school when the kitchens would serve it, it was this sort of house-made and it wasn’t the same as this messy take-away. I didn’t get any of this until James and I were at Uni and I guess it…” he trailed off with a shrug. “Stupid, really. Reliving lost bits of childhood.”

Remus’ smile softened, and he shook his head. “It’s not stupid, really. I know what you mean.” He helped himself to some, though his appetite was small. But watching Sirius dig in, he had a vision of the man a bit younger, getting to experience all these things he’d missed out on by growing up so stodgy and posh. It was the first time Remus felt like he had it maybe a little better than Sirius had.

“You want to watch something on the telly? We’ve got satellite and Netflix and some other rubbish Jamie downloaded onto the xbox.”

Remus shrugged. “Not really fussed. Whatever you want is fine.”

Sirius ended up choosing Netflix, some ancient cartoons Remus recalled watching when he was much younger. He didn’t say much, but he filed away Sirius’ eyes, alight with wonder and the way he’d throw his head back and full-body laugh at jokes Remus recalled laughing at when he was eleven or twelve.

It was a wonder to think Sirius had been deprived of such simple, childhood pleasures. It made Remus more curious about their upbringing. What else had the Black brothers missed out on? Holiday treats, birthday parties, going to carnivals?

Remus’ train of thought was rudely interrupted by the clearing of a throat, and he turned to see his professor stood there with a wide, plastic grin on his face. “Mr Lupin, is it?”

Remus blinked. “Ah yes. I’m sorry.”

“Lost in thought, were you? Would it be far-fetched to assume that you had spent all weekend reading over my collected works?”

Remus wanted to roll his eyes, but instead he smiled back. “Something like that. Here let me…” He reached out, holding the door open, and almost coughed in surprise when Prof Lockhart actually winked at him.

“Don’t see a lot of manners these days in the youth. Though you’re hardly younger than I am. In fact one might think with my skin we’re exact peers.” Lockhart winked again, and Remus swallowed.

“Er. True, sir. I got started a bit late as it is.”

“Ah well that explains why you were instantly my favourite, doesn’t it.” He still didn’t step through the door, his cool, blue eyes fixed on Remus’ face. “Well, I suppose we ought to get to it. I look forward to listening to your discussions during the lecture today.”

Remus, who had only sat in two of Lockhart’s lectures so far and hadn’t said a word, wondered what he was playing at. He recalled Sirius’ disgust at learning Lockhart was a professor at all, and he was almost tempted to bring up his name just to see the reaction it got.

But presently he wasn’t sure just how open _he_ was supposed to be, and they hadn’t got round to discussing much over Sunday lunch. Lily had come with him then and the conversation revolved round mostly their hobbies and plans for the future.

James was obviously taken with the fiery redhead, and though Lily played it cool and almost suspicious of the pair, later she confessed she thought James was rather fit.

“I dunno about dating some posh wanker, but he is good looking,” she mused on Remus’ sofa.

Regulus, who was home and in the kitchen working on some strange chemical in a phial, snorted. “He’s hardly good looking once you get to know what a prat he is.”

Lily shrugged, grinning at Reg who she’d taken an instant shine to. “So just like you, then?”

Reg shoved a V at her, but the corner of his mouth quirked up as he turned away to do something near the sink. That done, Lily turned back to Remus. “I wouldn’t mind getting to know him a bit more.”

“Well there will be ample time, I’m sure,” Remus told her. She had a standing invite along with Remus to the Potter lunches, and any parties Sirius threw.

Remus blinked back to himself as Lockhart cleared his throat, and he quickly stepped inside, taking his seat as quickly as he could. Forcing himself to put thoughts of Sirius and his upcoming obligations out of his head, he tried to focus on the lecture. It wasn’t easy, as Lockhart didn’t seem to have any actual idea regarding the content of his books. The class devolved into a student-led discussion where the secularists and the religious students began to row, and by the time it was over, several people had walked out.

Remus wondered if it was going to be like this for the duration of the semester, and made a mental note to do his very best to never have one of Lockhart’s courses again.

As he was packing up, his mobile began to buzz in his pocket, and he looked at the screen. He was only mildly surprised to see Sirius’ name flashing there, and he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to ignore him so early on.

“Hello?”

“Am I interrupting?”

“Ah, no,” Remus said as he slung his pack over his shoulder. “Just leaving a lecture now.”

“Bugger, I thought you’d be well done by now,” Sirius said. “What are your plans for today?”

“Well I have to quite my shitty job at the café. And then revising. Why?”

“I’ve been invited out to a small gathering tonight and I was hoping you’d be able to squeeze me in,” Sirius said, his voice a little breathless.

“Are you…running?” Remus asked slowly.

Sirius barked a laugh. “I’m on my treadmill at the office. It’s the only time I can get any cardio done.”

Remus tried not to think of Sirius in tight running clothes, and instead focused on the walk to the café. “Right well. What time? And erm…is this a posh thing because if so, I don’t have anything…”

“I’ll have something sent over, and a car for you,” Sirius replied. “There will also be plenty of booze so you can get pissed. I find it makes the conversation a lot more tolerable and amusing.”

Remus couldn’t help a small chuckle. “Fair enough. So okay, I’ll see you there. First…erm. First date.”

Sirius laughed again, then made an oomph sound, and Remus could hear a stomping noise in the background. “First date it is. Remind me to mark my calendar so we can have a proper anniversary. Anyway, see you tonight.”

Sirius rang off without ceremony, leaving Remus a bit flustered on the pavement, but he quickly regained his composure and set out to quit his job. It felt weird, a bit like it was the first official step into this new venture. He expected to be more nervous about it, but instead found himself relieved and almost anxious to get to his night with Sirius.

*** 

It took him longer than expected to deal with his work. His boss had a sudden attack of conscience, and attempted to give Remus more hours and a pay rise if he agreed to stay, but Remus eventually got the man to accept his resignation and even brushed off the threat to withhold his final pay.

“I don’t really much care,” Remus said as he stepped toward the door. “You can do what you like.”

With that he was gone, heading back home where he found the flat empty, but there was a suit laid out on his bed and a scribbled note in Regulus’ handwriting.

**Already delivering gifts. Disgusting. Sirius said this was for tonight. I’ll be with Bill for the next week and a half, so don’t expect to see us much. Though we’ll be there on Sunday. If anything happens at the flat, just text Sirius. R.A.B**

Remus laughed at the strange marriage of casual and formal the younger Black used in his notes. Setting it aside, he ran his hand over one of the nicest suits Remus had ever got his hands on, and noticed it was exactly his size. He reckoned that should have worried him a little, but instead he decided he’d merely be flattered by the attention, and hurried off to shower and get ready.

Once he’d scrubbed off the stale smell of lecture hall and the close proximity of students from his skin, he dressed, quickly took his afternoon dose of medication, then began to sort himself out in the mirror. The trousers were a perfect fit, the belt sitting just right, and the shirt was so comfortable he was profoundly aware now of why people with money spent so much on clothes.

Staring at himself in the mirror, he wished he could do something about the pink patches of skin across his forehead, nose, and cheeks, but they weren’t as bad as they had been in the past. He was feeling rather good, actually, and apart from his hair which wouldn’t do anything besides sit in wild curls, he looked alright.

In fact, he realised as he tried on the jacket and stared at himself in the mirror, he rather pulled off the whole fancy suit look. He’d only dressed up once, ages and ages ago for his Bar Mitzvah and that was an ill-fitted suit his mum had picked up at the very last minute because amidst all the other planning, she’d forgotten. And it had been half-covered by his tallit for half the night until one of his horrid cousins had shoved him into the toilet stall and it had dunked into the manky water.

But now he was staring at himself feeling like although he wouldn’t actually belong amongst the elite, he could at least look like it.

His only problem was the tie. Which was a gorgeous shade of maroon, but he had no idea how to work it. Remus spent far too long attempting to copy a YouTube video on how to make a Windsor knot, but the damned thing just wouldn’t work right and it was becoming wrinkled which was likely the last thing Sirius wanted to see of him.

He wondered if maybe he could just get away with not having one at all, and pocketed the thing carefully just as the buzzer to his flat sounded.

Slipping into the shoes Sirius had sent, groaning because they were almost more comfortable than his well-worn trainers, he hurried to the door and flung it open.

Sirius was there, and he gave Remus instant pause. He was wearing a rather similar suit, though his tie was a sort of emerald green and done to perfection. His hair was in a french plait down his back, and he wore the barest hint of eyeliner, and a light pink gloss.

His eyes were bright as they looked Remus up and down, and he stepped in wearing a huge grin. “Look at you.”

Remus flushed in spite of his attempt to seem calm and collected. “Er. Thanks. Everything fits perfectly.”

“Excellent,” Sirius said. He shut the door behind him, then reached out carefully to adjust the collar on Remus’ shirt. “Er. Tie?”

“Hah right well.” Remus pulled it out of his pocket and handed the mangled item over. “I sort of have never bothered before, and I think I’ve ruined it.”

Sirius looked at it, then up at Remus, then down at his hand again before he burst into laughter. “Never in your life?”

“Well it’s not as though I was given much cause to wear a tie,” Remus defended, crossing his arms a little petulantly.

Sirius rolled his eyes, then reached out carefully, slinging it round the back of Remus’ neck. Stepping almost too close, close enough to make Remus’ face go hot and tingly, Sirius began to knot it gently. Remus got a nose full of Sirius’ soft cologne, and his head began to spin.

Sirius was smiling at him though, carefully twisting and tucking the tie until it laid out flat, and didn’t look ruined at all. He drew the flat of his palm down before grabbing the sides of the jacket, and did up the buttons. “There, all sorted.”

Remus swallowed thickly, then nodded. “Er. Thanks.”

Sirius took a few steps back, then nodded toward the door. “Shall we? We’re a little late, but I suppose they’ll expect that of me. I’ve been boasting about my adorable boyfriend all day, so they’ll probably just assume we paused to have a shag before heading over.”

Remus let out a choked cough as they stepped into the corridor. “Oh god. Right er…”

Sirius laughed a bit as Remus locked up, and they headed to the waiting car. “Honestly, they’re a bunch of cis, hetero-normative perverts who think they’re progressive because they don’t make blatantly transphobic comments about me. So if they say something…just ignore it.” Sirius held the door for him, then climbed in after.

As the driver took off, Remus looked over at Sirius with a small frown. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“It does,” Sirius said, picking a little bit at his thumbnail. “But you have to choose your battle, and in this field I have to swallow my pride a lot and let things go.”

“Hardly seems fair,” Remus muttered. 

Sirius gave him a soft grin. “It isn’t. But I’m used to it. Growing up the way I did…” Sirius trailed off and shrugged. “Anyway, just try not to let it get to you. We’ll have a few drinks, mingle, answer a few inappropriate questions with cleverly crafted lies about our relationship. Then we go home and pretend it never happened.”

Remus felt a pang in his gut that Sirius was so used to these things, but it wasn’t his place to ask him to change. Clearly he was a strong, capable man and if this was what he chose to do, who was Remus to suggest otherwise.

But it left a knot in the pit of his stomach as they arrived at the venue. It was a large ballroom, heavily decorated in old-world style, with hanging chandeliers and a very gold motif. There were large buffet tables, a massive mahogany bar along the back, and several servers walking round with trays of wine and champagne.

The small party turned out to be over at least a hundred people, some eating off appetiser plates, some mingling, some dancing. Sirius was greeted the moment he walked through the door, and he wasted no time curling his arm round Remus’ waist and dragging him for introductions.

Remus was a bit overwhelmed by it at first. Sirius was preening like they’d been lovers for years. Like they were _in love_. Remus wasn’t entirely sure how to act. He was profoundly aware of Sirius’ soft palm pressed against his, and the way he had perfected a fond smile and god if Remus didn’t know the truth about their arrangement he might actually think Sirius fancied him.

Luckily it didn’t last forever. Rounds were made, Remus hadn’t needed to utter a word really, and soon enough he was dragged to the bar where Sirius ordered a couple of gin martinis. “That alright?” he asked Remus, dipping his head in low.

Remus nodded, grateful for any type of alcohol to dull the situation a bit. “You do this all the time?”

Sirius laughed, glancing round the room. “It’s not all parties, you know. A lot if it is late nights of tearing out my hear sat at my desk desperately trying to find a loophole or something the investigators missed on their first go round so someone who doesn’t deserve to be imprisoned or sacked wins their case.”

Their drinks were delivered promptly and Remus relished in the slow, alcohol burn down his throat as Sirius took his a bit more slowly, nibbling on the end of the over-large, green olive. “And have you defended guilty people before?”

Sirius licked his lips, then shrugged. “Reckon so. I can afford to be selective. Mr Potter’s never been the sort where money buys innocence in his eyes.” There was something in his tone which made Remus wonder, but again he didn’t ask. It was personal though, he could tell that much.

“Well it seems a bit mad. But they all seem pleased to see you.”

“Mm,” Sirius said, lifting a brow. “Reckon mostly they’re pleased to see you.”

Before Remus could retort that he was hardly of Sirius’ calibre—he knew he wasn’t nearly as good looking or sophisticated—an older man with stark white hair and an unsettling smile wandered over. “Black.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “Lucius. I didn’t realise you’d be here.”

“Ah you know how these things go,” Lucius said. He looked Remus up and down with a slight sneer. “And what have you got for yourself this year? New make and model.”

“Fuck off,” Sirius ground out, inching a bit closer to Remus and placing a protective hand on his thigh. “Remus, propriety states I make introductions. So this horrid man in front of me is married to my cousin, Narcissa. And he works for another law firm.”

“One you frequently see in court?” Remus asked, reading the situation.

“Oh a clever one,” Lucius said, his sneer turning into an almost-grin. “Where’d he find you?”

“That’s not really your business, is it?” Sirius said.

“Well we were only remarking the other day that we thought you might actually have to buy yourself some companionship, seeing as how often you run through them. If you can hold out until October, I win a hundred quid off Bella.”

Sirius’ hand tightened on Remus’ thigh, but he said nothing. Taking a long drink, he spun back toward the bar, dismissing Lucius without ceremony.

Remus, however, didn’t want to let it go. He was disgusted and appalled people who called themselves family to Sirius would speak to him that way. He momentarily forgot that Lucius was half-right. Sirius had bought and paid for these dates. But it didn’t feel that way, for whatever reason. It felt like he was there simply because he wanted to.

He glanced over at Sirius’ face which had gone a bit pink, but he didn’t speak until Lucius had struck up a conversation across the room. “What a twat.”

Sirius blinked, then barked out a laugh and shifted even closer. “He is, that. Married in and seems to think he’s in control of the entire family now. He’s been attempting to contact Reg, to see the err of his ways and to come back. Marry a nice cousin and possibly earn back part of his fortune mother gave away.”

“I sincerely hope Regulus told him to fuck all the way off.”

“As far as I know,” Sirius said, but there was a hint of trepidation in his voice, like maybe he was a bit afraid one of these days Regulus would go back to the people who had cast Sirius out to cruelly.

“Your brother’s not an idiot,” Remus murmured. He nodded to the bartender who was eyeing their drinks, and a second round was brought over. Sirius let out a tiny sigh as he swapped the glasses round, and leant into Remus just a bit. “I mean I know you think he is, because he’s your brother and that’s your job. But he worships you. In a good way.”

Sirius chuckled, shaking his head. “I know. There are just some days I worry.”

Remus bit down on his bottom lip as a thought occurred to him, and very deliberately, he reached up and touched Sirius’ shoulder. When he wasn’t rejected, he gave it a squeeze. “Is that why you throw money at him? So he has no reason to go crawling back to those people.”

This time Sirius’ laugh was a bit bitter. “How obvious am I?”

“Not very. Took me a while to catch on. I don’t think he actually cares, though. I think he’d get a job and support himself tomorrow if you told him you couldn’t do it anymore. I can’t see your brother tolerating anyone who talks to you that way.”

Sirius shrugged. “He did once.”

“As an idiot teenager, if I recall correctly,” Remus reminded him. “He’s grown since then. And he’s happy. Or well as happy as he ever gets.”

With a snort, Sirius nudged Remus with his shoulder. “You’re a good sort.”

Remus shook his head. “Nah. Just a bit observant. It’s my job as an historian, you know.”

Sirius rolled his eyes a bit, and downed his drink before replacing his sombre look with a smile, and reached out for Remus’ hand. “Is it too soon to dance?”

“Well considering we’re in love,” Remus said, the alcohol loosening his tongue just a bit, “I reckon not. Just don’t assume I’ve had proper lessons as I’m sure you did.”

Sirius snickered as he twinned their fingers together, and drew Remus near the group of people who were carefully waltzing in the small space. “I’ll lead. If you don’t mind.”

Remus laughed. “Not at all.”

Before long, he was being spun round other couples, and he noticed such a stark difference in the way they were looked at. Some of the people wore fond expressions, whispering things Remus could tell were sweet and supportive. Then there was the crowd with Lucius who were watching with narrowed eyes and disgusted expressions.

Remus wanted to punch them all. Or have them thrown out. 

Even in the short dating history he’d had, he’d never been large with public displays of affection, but now he was overwhelmed with the desire to snog Sirius right in the middle of the dance floor just to see their growing discomfort. He turned his head midway through the second song, and squeezed round Sirius’ waist.

“If you want to kiss me, I think it would really piss Lucius off.”

Sirius let out a startled half-laugh and his steps faltered a little bit, but he regained his composure, though his hand moved from Remus’ shoulder to the back of his neck. “You think so, hm?”

Remus shrugged, unable to help a grin. “The way he’s looking at us…I think it’s a fair bet.”

Sirius licked his lips, an unconscious gesture, and his grey eyes flickered down to Remus’ mouth. “Alright. If you’re sure you don’t mind.”

Remus cleared his throat, then shook his head. “Not really. Unless your kissing is shite. But I suppose even then I could suffer through.”

Sirius’ eyes widened in mock horror. “How dare you. I’ll have you know my kissing is the most fantastic.”

“Prove it,” Remus said, and realised how flirty that sounded, but Sirius didn’t seem bothered and the alcohol was preventing him from caring much.

The challenge was enough for the other man though, who stopped mid-step, put one hand on Remus’ cheek, and then brought his lips down.

It should have been something short, closed-mouthed, and simple. But the touch of lips on lips made Remus gasp, and when his lips parted, Sirius deepened the kiss. His tongue darted out, slipping against Remus’ just enough to make his toes tingle and his entire body beg for more. Sirius’ hand was still on his face and Remus was vaguely aware of other dancers moving round them. He was vaguely aware of a disgusted snort and Lucius’ nasal voice commanding the others to move along.

But none of that mattered with Sirius’ hands on him, and his mouth on him, and Remus’ fingers clutching against Sirius’ hips in a bruising grip.

After what felt like either second or centuries, Sirius pulled away, and both looked a bit snog-stupid. Remus’ eyes were glazed, and he instantly cleared his throat in an attempt to regain his composure. Sirius’ eyes were half-narrow, and his mouth still parted, then he grinned and looked round.

“I think it worked. Clever you, Remus. I knew I made a good choice.”

Remus was rudely ripped back to reality with those words, and he forced a smile, relinquishing the grip on Sirius’ hips. “Right. Yes. I don’t even see him anymore.”

Sirius winked as he took Remus’ hand and pulled him back to the bar. “One more drink, then a round of goodbyes and I think we can be shot of this place. Sound alright?”

Remus swallowed thickly, then chose fizzy water, knowing any more alcohol and he’d say something he’d regret. Like how he could see himself actually fancying Sirius, and knowing damn well Sirius would never return those feelings.

The rest of the night passed in a haze. Sirius seemed utterly unaffected by the kiss, and Remus was beginning to doubt his choice in getting involved like this. But if it was just a crush, he told himself, it would pass. He would avoid kissing again at all costs, and when he was able to move through his feelings, it would be better.

He didn’t want to lose this opportunity, and he knew if he tried hard enough, it would all be fine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings in this chapter for homophobic comments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Remus suffers a lupus flare. I'm basing his experiences on what my mum deals with during her flares, but note that it tends to affect people very differently so it's not the standard for every person who has the disease.
> 
> I finished this up on my lunch hour--so I haven't properly gone through it, and it's fairly long. I'm hoping I can have the final bit posted either tomorrow or Friday, so I can carry on to some other projects. I really really love writing this though. x

It was Sunday when things got weird. Remus had all-but controlled his strange little crush on Sirius, and was prepared to meet his adoptive parents and play the doting boyfriend. Regulus had come in Saturday night with Bill, announcing that his boyfriend was going to be in London for the next six months.

Bill was a good sort. Immediately friendly with Remus, shaking his hand and they had a long discussion about history—an amateur hobby of the redhead. “I come from a huge family, you know,” he said, clutching a cup of tea between his hands. “I’ve got four brothers, one on the way right now. Staunch Catholics, you know. And I remember being dragged about to mass and sat in Catechism listening to them ramble on and on and thinking, how does any of this make any sense?”

Remus was nodding along, overly excited to be talking about this. He caught a glimpse of Regulus’ face and he expected his flatmate to be bored or annoyed, but instead Reg was watching his boyfriend with something like fondness. “It was the same with me. My house was very strict, you know. And growing up in Tel Aviv it was just life. Whether you believed or not, you couldn’t escape it. My dad fully expected me to take over for him and well…” Remus shrugged. “Something caught my eye at Uni and the next thing I knew I was throwing myself eyeballs deep into Christian theology. My dad likes to blame the move to Wales when I was eleven.”

Bill chuckled. “I could see that.”

“Maybe not so much the Catholicism but because they didn’t really have a culture there. No Jewish influence where we lived. His congregation was so small, it was almost laughable.” Remus sipped his tea and sighed. “He doesn’t want to believe I came to the conclusion it was all rubbish on my own.”

“What did it for you?” Bill asked.

Remus shrugged. “Realising how similar it all is, no matter what continent or where you go. If you take out specifics, it’s all the same story. But it doesn’t lend itself to the belief that there’s one God that people just named differently. It’s more like…you think about the psychology of it all. It created itself round the desire for answers to things that are unanswerable. Why are we here, why do things hurt, why do people we love die? Where do we go when it’s all over? When you think of it from that point of view, religion makes _sense_. It doesn’t have any more logic, but the reasons why are easier to understand.”

Bill looked at him, then broke into a wide grin and nudged Reg with his knee. “Your brother picked a bloody good one. Where is he, anyway? You’d think he’d actually want to be spending time with his boyfriend.”

Remus gave an involuntary cough whilst Reg gave a casual shrug. “Busy, I reckon. You know how he is. Buries himself in work.”

“And I’m snowed under you know, revising and everything,” Remus said, almost stuttering, but managing to get himself under control. “We have a good thing going. No unreasonable demands.”

“Well I’m looking forward to a visit tomorrow.” Bill leant into Regulus and turned his face, pressing a soft kiss to his temple and Regulus blushed just a little. “Haven’t seen him properly in ages.”

“Well he’s still the same, obnoxious arse,” Regulus said with a shrug and Bill chuckled before standing up and holding his hand out to his boyfriend. “I’m shattered. Come on, I want a good snog before I pass out.”

Regulus flushed again, muttering his goodbye to Remus and something about how they’d all ride to the Potters’ together in the afternoon.

Remus hadn’t heard from Sirius, but didn’t expect to. After the ball he’d attended, Sirius had been exceptionally quiet. Remus had sent a text checking in, and had got a short one off him a few days later. _Just busy, no worries. Need anything?_.

Remus didn’t so he just apologised for bothering him, and never got a response. His money showed up on time, though, and Regulus said the food expenses were paid and passed over a credit card which was to use for his meals during the week.

Remus felt weird about carrying it round, but eventually he just got used to swiping it and not having to worry where the next hot meal was going to come from. Knowing he wouldn’t have to see another Pot Noodle package let a small bit of tension in his chest unknot, and being able to cook fresh veg and rice without having to make it stretch for days left him with a feeling of fullness and gratitude.

But it appeared to come at the expense of a promised friendship with Sirius.

Sunday, Remus woke late, an ache in his bones meaning there was flare coming up and he debated about going in to see his rheumatologist as they’d been coming a bit more frequently lately and he was worried his current regiment of medication wasn’t working.

But it was possible it was stress as well, and he resolved to sleep a bit more and stay out of the sun as best he could. Taking a long shower, he wandered out in his dressing gown and found Regulus at the kitchen table with the morning paper and tea.

“Kettle’s still hot,” he said quietly.

Remus helped himself to a mug, grabbing a pear from the fruit basket, and eased into a chair. “So, is there anything I should know about the Potters? Sirius hasn’t exactly briefed me on any of this.”

Regulus looked momentarily surprised, then gave a shrug. “They’re fussy. Mrs Potter will attempt to feed you the moment you walk in the door, Mr Potter will drag you off to his hobby room to show you whatever mad idea he’s busy with. They’ll bombard you with a thousand questions about every detail of your life.” He gave Remus a long look up and down. “They’ll love you and you’ll love him and I know it’ll make this whole thing harder.”

Remus let out a slow breath. “I think I’ll be alright.”

Reg merely gave him a stern nod and went back to his reading, and Remus finished his small breakfast in silence.

The car arrived shortly after Bill finished getting ready, and they were taken just outside of London to the small village of Godric’s Hollow. It had the look of some ancient place plucked straight out of history, though Remus noticed the place being slowly modernised. The buildings were all stone and thatched roofs, but there was a Starbucks on one corner, and McDonalds near a Tesco.

He mourned a bit for those lost bits of history slowly being taken over, though he understood the whys of the whole thing. The neighbourhood they turned down had been upgraded, most of the old stone houses now replaced with modern architecture. The Potters’ place was two story, surrounded by a low stone wall and iron fence. It had a well-manicured garden, sharp green against the black pavement which curved to the front door.

It was obvious they had money, but it was clear they were trying to be humble about it.

Still, it was different from how Remus had grown up, though he could see it fitting James—and eventually Sirius and Regulus—rather well.

Remus spotted a motorbike parked near a large garage, and wondered briefly who it belonged to. He could see Sirius driving it, though he hadn’t bothered to ask and every time he’d seen his pseudo-boyfriend he’d been picked up by a driver.

The car came to a crawling halt, and the three of them got out, Reg leading the charge. He didn’t bother with formalities as he threw the door open and marched into a large parlour where the parents were waiting. Remus could instantly see the resemblance to James. They both had very dark skin, Mr Potter now a fierce grey but his hair was just as wild as his son’s. They both wore the friendliest smiles Remus had ever seen in his life, and instantly enveloped the smaller Black between their arms.

It was strange to see him go so soft. His face almost completely changed as he hugged them tight, and only got stiff again when Bill joined the embrace. A moment later, their eyes fixed on Remus who fidgeted where he stood, and then Mrs Potter rushed over, giving his cheek a fond pat.

“We have heard so much about you,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “Though Sirius left off how adorable you are.”

Remus blushed hard, looking down at his feet. “Er. Thank you. It’s really nice to meet you, Mrs Potter.”

“Ah no, none of that. It’s mum, or if you insist on being so formal, Effie. Please.”

Remus gulped, then glanced at Reg who mouthed, ‘Mum, trust me.’

“Ah. Mum then. It’s nice to meet you.”

Effie immediately preened and turned Remus by his arm. “Monty, isn’t he just perfect for our Sirius?”

Monty smiled an almost apologetic smile and nodded. “Very pleased, indeed. We’ll have lunch soon, the moment James and Sirius get back.”

Remus’ eyes widened. “Ah I didn’t realise they’d gone?”

“Just out for a quick stroll,” Effie said. “Come on, I’ll get some tea and you three sit. Bill, I want to hear all about your latest news the second I sit down.”

Bill was grinning, and Remus was grateful the attention was off him for a bit. Effie returned with a silver pot filled with the creamiest, spiciest Indian chai Remus had ever tasted. It went right to his gut, and oddly made the ache in his bones feel a bit better as he sat there.

He was feeling the pull of his retched disease, the exhaustion threatening to consume him, but he listened politely and eventually answered questions when the Potters began to inquire about the ins and outs Sirius hadn’t spilt yet.

Eventually Sirius and James walked in, casual in jeans and t-shirts. They were laughing, but Sirius instantly sobered the moment he laid eyes on Remus. He offered a cautious nod, and Remus rose to greet him, knowing he had to keep up pretences. But as he leant his head in to kiss Sirius on the cheek, the other man flinched back and Remus didn’t make contact.

With a frown, he let go of Sirius’ arm. “Alright?”

Sirius nodded. “Sorry just a bit…” He didn’t finish the sentence with anything more than a shrug, and kept his distance when they all sat. If anyone noticed something was off, no one mentioned it, and before long they were outside at an informal dining table eating and getting along rather well.

The day was cloudy, so Remus did alright for the afternoon, but he was starting to feel stretched beyond his limits. Not only that, but Sirius was avoiding him completely. He and James dragged Bill out to look at the bike and when Remus offered to come, Sirius waved him down.

“Go on and keep Reg company. I know you don’t really like these things anyway.”

It wasn’t true at all. Remus had no especial dislike of motorbikes at all, and the whole thing confused him. The moment he and his flatmate were alone, Remus cleared his throat. “Have I done something to upset him?”

Reg lifted a brow. “Dunno. Have you?”

“I didn’t think so,” Remus said. “I…we went to that charity ball or whatever it was. We danced and he seemed happy with the arrangement. But after that he got a bit…cold.”

Reg sighed and gave a shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. Sirius can be a bit…well his moods shift. He might be changing the dose of his testosterone which always puts him off his mood—especially if it gives him a period. Or sometimes he’s just a moody shit and we all suffer until he’s done with his little strop.”

Remus nodded, but didn’t feel better. It didn’t feel like that at all. Something had shifted, in such a short period of time, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Still, the night ended and whilst Bill and Regulus decided to stay over at the Potters’ along with James, Remus wanted to get back and work on his revising. “I can take the bus or…”

“If you don’t mind the bike, I’ll drive you,” Sirius said.

Remus blinked, surprised at the offer as Sirius hadn’t said more than two words to him after his initial greeting. With a nod, Remus said his goodbyes to everyone, and turned to see Sirius offering him a coat. “Er…?”

“It gets cold,” Sirius said with a shrug. “I’ve got a spare helmet as well.”

Licking his lips, Remus followed Sirius out to the front where the bike was parked, and fiddled with the sleeve of the impromptu jacket until Sirius looked at him. “Have I…are we…alright?”

Sirius blinked, helmet in hand. “Of course. Why?”

“You’ve just been…” Remus didn’t know how to say it without sounding like an actual neglected boyfriend—which he wasn’t. He was there to perform a duty when Sirius asked for it. “I only thought I’d be doing more for you. And it feels strange taking money when I haven’t seen you since that night.”

“I’ve been absolutely swamped and rather stressed,” Sirius said, his tone a bit hurried. “Everything’s fine. I promise.”

Remus relaxed just a fraction, unable to read Sirius’ face, but he wanted to believe the other man would tell him if something was off. So he let it go, taking the helmet, then letting Sirius secure it on. He waited until Sirius had mounted the bike, then climbed on the back and let his arms come round the other man’s waist.

“You comfortable?” Sirius asked, his voice muffled.

“Well it’s a bit new for me, but I’m alright.”

Sirius laughed a bit, then switched on the bike. It let out a massive roar, and Remus clutched on tight, ignoring Sirius’ shaking shoulders as he laughed. Tipping his head forward, Remus held his breath as they took off down the street at what felt like break-neck speeds. Eventually they were on the open road, the late hour owing to the little traffic between the Hollow and London, and the drive back was much shorter than it had been going out.

When they arrived at Remus’ building, he climbed off, his arse a bit numb, and he wriggled his legs as he smiled, handing the helmet off. “Thanks for the lift.”

“You look a bit unsteady,” Sirius said with a small grin. “Need a hand up?”

Remus shifted, then shrugged. “I’m alright. Though if you want a cup of tea or something, I’d be happy to.”

Sirius’ face flickered through several different emotions before he shook his head. “No. I should get back to work if you’re alright on your own.”

Remus nodded, swallowing thickly as he took a step back, then turned to go. He stopped, though, when Sirius called after him.

“Just a second,” and he waited for Remus to turn. “I’ve got a charity auction to attend next week on Wednesday evening. And then a party on Saturday. Free for those?”

Remus wondered if it was a cursory question, seeing as he was mostly obligated to attend anyway. But he appreciated the manners, and offered a smile. “Of course. Shall I wear the suit you got me?”

Sirius worried his bottom lip, then said, “I’ll have something sent over. Have a good night, Remus.”

It was a bit short and formal, but Remus decided not to read too much into it. He didn’t quite know what to expect anyway. Hearing the start of the bike, he hurried into the building and tried to chase away the strange feeling of rejection.

*** 

Wednesday arrived in a flurry of too much studying to get done, and Remus having forgotten all about the charity auction until a knock on the door interrupted his revising. He was currently with his nose in several books written he was using for his thesis research and growled at the interruption.

He was still feeling poorly, his joints all a bit swollen, and his fatigue begging him to stay in bed. The last thing he wanted was a distraction from necessary study. Pulling a face, he wrenched open the door, and frowned at the sight of a shorter man holding a large parcel.

“Delivery for Mr Remus Lupin?”

Remus stood there for thirty full seconds before he realised what it was. “Oh bugger,” he swore. “Right, sorry. Yes, that’s me.” He quickly signed for it, then hurried inside to his bedroom where his mobile had been sat all afternoon.

There were four texts from Sirius asking if they were still on for tonight, each more increasingly concerned than the last.

Remus quickly fired one off, glancing at the clock and realising he had only half an hour to get ready before Sirius was set to arrive. **I’m sorry, I was revising. But yes, I’ll be ready.**

He debated about skipping a shower, but he had the smell of stale bedroom on his skin from not having left the flat all day, and decided to make it a quick one. Scrubbing off, he rushed into his room and changed into the suit, just as comfortable as the last, and didn’t bother with the tie this time.

He shook out his curls, throwing a bit of Reg’s product into them in hopes of making them somewhat tame, and grimaced at the growing redness of his cheeks. He resolved to call his doctor the next day, then hurried to fetch socks.

He was hobbling into one when the buzzer sounded, and he stumbled to the door, looking rather harassed and put off as Sirius gave him a vaguely amused quirk of the eyebrow. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

Remus sighed. “Yes. I’m sorry, I’m a shit. I know. I just got caught up in everything.” He waved his hand absently at the massive pile of books, empty tea cups, and his laptop which sat open with his research notes.

Sirius shook his head and took a seat next to the laptop, glancing at the writing. “What the hell kind of notes are these?”

Remus flushed as he flopped into the chair to sort out his other sock. “My shorthand.”

“This isn’t English.”

“It’s Hebrew. Phonetic Hebrew,” Remus said. “I think better that way.”

Sirius gave him a very careful look, then smiled. “It never occurred to me English wasn’t your first language.”

“It’s my third, actually. My mother’s Welsh, so I spoke Welsh and Hebrew at home until I was eleven. The school in Cardiff was English-speaking though so I learnt it then.”

Something flickered across Sirius’ face before he went back to neutral. “Well, I wasn’t sure you could get more interesting, but I was wrong. Now, are you sorted or…?”

“Just the erm…the tie,” Remus said.

Sirius gave a vaguely amused sigh as he got up to fetch it, and came back with the purple strip of silk and Remus’ shoes. Beckoning him up, he carefully wrapped it through the intricate knot, finishing it off with a slow pat to Remus’ cheek. “You’re going to have to learn some day.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Why bother. I’ve got you, haven’t I? And I doubt I’ll be fancy after you know…everything.”

Sirius swallowed hard, then gave Remus a very obviously forced smile. “And when you’re a professor?” Then he quickly added, “If you say the words clip-on tie to my face, Remus Lupin, I will hit you.”

Remus barked a laugh. “I was thinking braces and bowtie, but…” He couldn’t help his chuckle at Sirius’ horrified expression. “Fine, maybe for my graduation present you can formally teach me the knots.”

Sirius sighed, shaking his head. “You’re impossible. Now get your shoes on. We’re fashionably late now, but any later and we’re going to miss it.”

Remus carefully toed the shoes on, doing up the laces with a quick couple of loops, then followed Sirius outside to the kerb where a very small, sporty car was parked. “No bike, eh?”

“I don’t fancy showing up to this event with bug splatter in my hair,” Sirius said with a small laugh. He got the door for Remus before sliding in behind the wheel and switched the car on. “Alright?”

Remus nodded, scratching a bit at his face. “I am.”

“You look tired,” Sirius said, giving him a careful look.

“It’s just the lupus,” Remus said with a shrug.

“Should you… be in bed?” Sirius asked carefully as he navigated round the traffic.

“Probably,” Remus said with a laugh. “But it’s not going to happen. I’ve too much to get done and if I wasn’t out with you, I’d be researching.”

Sirius hummed, but didn’t say anything though his expression had shifted a little. They reached the auction hall not long after, Sirius handing the keys to the valet, and he was far more handsy than Remus expected. He looped his arm round Remus’ waist, and it felt like he was attempting to bear some of Remus’ weight.

“I can walk,” Remus said, a wry smile crossing his features. “Honestly, it just feels a bit like…” He bit down on his lower lip in thought. “Bit like a hangover. Everything aches, my joints are swollen, and I’m exhausted.” He didn’t mention the horrid internal pain of lesions on his organs, but mostly because Sirius was already getting bothered and Remus didn’t want Sirius to terminate the agreement for fear that Remus wouldn’t be able to hold up his end of the bargain.

“If you’re sure,” Sirius said.

Remus reached out, giving Sirius’ hand a squeeze, and that same look flashed in Sirius’ eyes before he pulled away almost roughly. “I’m sure,” Remus said carefully.

Sirius put a foot of distance between them after that. Even when he was introducing Remus round to his colleagues, his tone was formal and he didn’t do more than a short touch to Remus’ elbow or the small of his back.

When the auction ended and the reception started, this time there was no dancing, no flirting. Even when Remus noticed a few, harsh gazes staring at Sirius, the other man pointedly ignored them—along with Remus—and sipped on his champagne.

Remus wanted to grab him by the collar and demand to know what was going on. He had a feeling he knew what it was—the lupus was such a secret disease, but when it wanted to make itself known, it appeared with a vengeance. The rash on his face was impossible to ignore, the bags under his eyes exacerbated by the low-hanging lights. He looked like death walking. Not the type of person someone as rich and good looking as Sirius was would have chosen for a partner.

Remus had to wonder how Sirius explained that away when he chatted with his colleagues in private. Maybe Sirius used some excuse about sex or maybe he painted Remus out to be a pushover.

But honestly, he had a feeling it would only get worse. Once Remus took really poorly—couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t fulfil his end of things—it was only a matter of time before Sirius put an end to the entire thing.

And Remus couldn’t blame him.

This was probably too good to be true. Fancying him aside, it was obvious Remus had made a mistake. And Sirius was seeing that.

Not sure what to do, Remus fell very quiet, drawn into himself for the duration of the night. When Sirius dropped him off, he gave no more than a curt reply about Saturday, then headed up without looking back. Part of him hoped Sirius had noticed. He clutched his phone hoping for some communication—a text or anything to let Remus know all was well.

But it never came.

He forgot about his research and put himself to bed, wondering when it was all going to come crashing down.

*** 

Remus saw his doctor on the Friday before the date with Sirius. His rheumatologist had ordered a series of tests he’d taken a week prior, and now he was sat in the office, feeling a bit nervous as she looked over his results.

“Well, it looks like what we’ve got going now isn’t doing an effective job.” She tapped her lip with the back end of a biro. “Your ANA levels are off the charts. They haven’t been this bad since you were eleven, and the urinalysis we did is starting to show signs of possible kidney damage. I may need to schedule a biopsy if your results are worse next month.”

Remus swallowed thickly. “Alright. So what does this mean?”

“It means I think I want you back on Plaquenil.”

Remus groaned, bowing his head. The drug had been the worst he’d ever been on. The side-effects had been almost worse than the disease itself. He’d stopped when he’d started noticing strange changes in his vision, advised by his GP saying the damage could have been permanent if he didn’t stop. But now…it was what? Between that and his body giving out on him.

“Alright,” Remus said. “If you think it’s best.”

“I’m not sure, but for now I think we should give it a try. I want you back in here in four weeks and we’re going to run another series of tests.” She then went through her usual list of symptoms, none of the others changing much. He still had chronic pain from the lesions but it was manageable.

“Just try to take it easy,” she said as Remus rose from the exam table. “As much as you can, anyway.”

He nodded, tempted to tell her he’d quit his job, but he didn’t want to explain how he was coming by any of his money, so he just left it at that. He promised to make his initial eye appointment, then headed off for the day.

When he got home, Regulus was still with Bill—so Remus decided to have a small kip. 

*** 

The small kip, however, turned into a full blown attack which left him feverish and swollen, hardly able to lift his head from the bed. He vaguely recalled Regulus checking on him, and helping him gulp down some fever reducer before he went back under.

Remus didn’t wake until late into Saturday evening, with a vague feeling like he was missing something, and also like he wasn’t alone. He cracked open one eye, to see a low light on from his desk, and in the chair watching him with his hands between his knees, was Sirius.

The other man blinked in surprise at seeing Remus come to, and he shifted the chair a bit closer to the bed. “God. I thought I was going to have to drag you into A&E, mate.”

Remus swallowed, grimacing at the ache in his mouth and throat. “Ah. How long was I out?”

“Hours. You choked down some broth a while ago, but Reg said he didn’t think you’d properly eaten since yesterday.”

Remus attempted to sit up, but his limbs didn’t want to obey and he rolled onto his back. “I…shit.” He looked over at Sirius who was dressed in a suit and tie. “The benefit.”

Sirius barked a low laugh. “Don’t. It’s not the first one I’ve missed, and it won’t be the last. Can you sit up a bit? I got you some soup from down the street.” He pointed to a white container sat on the nightstand.

Remus tried again, but his wrists and elbows protested, and he grimaced. “Er…”

With that, Sirius was on his feet, an arm under Remus’ as he was eased into a sitting position. Remus winced, but let out a sigh of relief when he was propped against the wall, and he held his hands out, giving his fingers an experimental flex.

“Does this always happen?” Sirius asked, perching himself on the edge of the bed.

Remus carefully took the take-away soup between both hands and sipped it before he answered. “Ah. Not usually this bad, but I knew this was coming. My levels right now are shit.”

“Levels?” Sirius asked.

“They measure my antibody levels and I haven’t been this off since I was a kid. My doctor’s swapping out my medication for something a bit…stronger.” Remus had to sigh at knowing what was coming the moment he started the new regiment. “It’ll take a little while for me to get steady again, but I promise this isn’t going to be all the time.” His fears from the night before came crashing down on him. 

Sirius was seeing him like this, poorly, unable to get out of the bed. How could he promise that he could be there to hold up his end of the bargain if clearly he could not.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” Sirius said, his tone soft. “How about you just drink that, then we can get you into the bath. Reg has a couple of really nice bath bombs you can nick off him.”

Remus nodded, but shivered as his fever began to creep back up. He eyed the bottle on the nightstand, and when Sirius followed his gaze, he snatched it up and poured two of the pills into his palm. As Remus took them, Sirius pressed the inside of his wrist against Remus’ head.

“Christ, you’re boiling hot. Do you need to be seen by someone?”

Remus shook his head, smiling very softly at Sirius’ concern—though a tiny part of him wondered if it was just his investment he was worried about. He hadn’t seemed like the type, but his behaviour now was so confusing. “Trust me, I deal with this a lot. I’m not even really poorly. There’s no secondary infection or anything. It’ll pass.”

Sirius hesitated, then gave a stiff nod and rose, holding out his hands. “Right, then. Let’s get you a bath and I’ll fix some tea.”

Remus wanted to protest, but a full day in bed with very little memory of getting up for the toilet or anything, and sweating through his fevers, made him feel manky and disgusting. He let Sirius ease him up, then felt a rush of embarrassment at the state of himself. He had to smell horrible, but Sirius didn’t seem fussed at all as he slung an arm round Remus’ waist and got him to the bathroom.

“You sit,” he said, pointing to Regulus’ vanity chair. Reaching over, he turned the knob on the bath and tested the water before putting in the drain stopper. Rising, he glanced at Regulus’ shelf of bath things, and selected a very blue, round, chalky-looking ball and dropped it into the water. It began to fizzle a bit, the water turning bright with colour, and a soft scent flooded Remus’ nostrils.

“What is that?”

“Bath bomb. And if my brother even starts to complain, tell him he’s got plenty of time and cash to go replace them.” Sirius turned toward Remus and almost mechanically began to help him undress.

Remus would have been embarrassed if he felt better, but he was still aching and shivering a bit, and the look Sirius gave him was almost clinical. He took Remus’ hand, guiding him over the side of the tub, and Remus groaned as he eased back into the warm water.

“Oh my god.”

Sirius laughed as he knelt down. “I know. This will help, I swear. Now, can you keep yourself sorted, or do you need me to stay?”

Remus cracked an eye, trying to decide if Sirius was being patronising, but the question seemed genuine enough. “I’m fine. Promise. I’ve been a lot worse off than this.”

Sirius’ face fell a bit, but instead of commenting, he just ran his fingers into Remus’ hair a bit, then stood up. “Tea then. You alright with solid food or more soup?”

Remus’ stomach gave a growl, and he flushed. “Er. Food would be nice. Something light.”

Sirius gave him a last look before walking out, closing the door behind him. When he was alone, Remus turned slightly to the side, pressing his warm head against the cool porcelain, and tried to decide what this all meant. From the surface it was like Sirius did care. And maybe Regulus was right—maybe Sirius had just been in a work strop about something.

Remus hadn’t behaved any differently. His feelings might have been overwhelming, bordering on a crush, but he had kept it in check. He was absolutely certain he had not been obvious. He was tired of all of his self-doubt, really. He wanted to trust Sirius, and trust himself that he could make this work.

That being poorly like this didn’t automatically make him worth less. That Sirius wouldn’t want to chuck the agreement just because he wasn’t completely abled the way others were.

Calming himself, Remus eventually sat up and began to wash off. The gentle scent of the bath bomb really was soothing, and his muscles began to unclench the longer he soaked. He wondered about washing his hair, and instead just gave it a quick rinse in the blue water before easing himself up.

The fever was starting to go down, and he quickly dried off, wrapping himself in the dressing gown hanging on the back of the door. As he stepped into the hall, he saw movement in his room, and stepped in to find Sirius sorting out a small tray with half a sandwich and more soup.

“I thought you should probably start slow,” Sirius said. “Mrs Potter taught me well.”

Remus chuckled at the thought, knowing she would absolutely be one to fuss over her boys when they’d taken ill. “She’d probably be beside herself if she saw this mess,” he said, waving his hand up and down his body.

Sirius pulled a face. “You’re not a mess, you know. It’s not like you can help any of it.”

Remus shrugged as he eased back onto the bed, not bothering with pyjamas. He realised, as he tucked his feet under the duvet, the sheets felt fresh. “Did you swap everything out?”

Sirius shrugged. “S’what she always did for me. Helped me feel better.”

Remus flushed a little, but didn’t say anything as Sirius put the tray on Remus’ lap. He hesitated before taking a seat at the end of the bed, letting his legs drape over Remus’ calves, and he gave him a cautious smile. 

“Thanks,” Remus muttered.

“Does it bother you? Me helping?”

Remus shook his head quickly. “No. Just not used to it. I mean even as a kid my mum was sort of the, self-healing hippy type. You know, the you have to just love your body enough and you’ll feel better.”

“Load of tripe,” Sirius muttered.

Remus laughed. “A bit. But I learnt to self-soothe early on.”

“That’s…” Sirius stopped and sighed. “Reckon I did too, actually. Wasn’t until I met James’ mum that I learnt different.” He shrugged and moved just a little bit closer. The pressure on Remus’ legs felt nice, soothing in a way, and Remus’ guard dropped for a second as he realised this is what it would be like to have a proper significant other. 

He banished the thought as quickly as it had come. Taking a bite of the sandwich, he chewed and swallowed, feeling better as the minutes ticked by. “So I promise I’ll make tonight up to you.”

Sirius raised a brow. “Remus, honestly I said it’s fine and it is. No one’s going to be fussed because my boyfriend needed taking care of. And I certainly don’t mind missing out on those old, stodgy bastards and their cheap liquor and bad music.”

Remus chanced a small laugh as he tucked into the soup. “Well,” he said between bites, “I didn’t think the dancing was so bad last time. If you excuse the fact that I’m rubbish at it.” He carefully skirted mention of the kiss.

Sirius eyed him, then shifted away a bit. “You’re not so bad. Give yourself more credit. And the music was dreadful, we were just having fun.”

Remus smiled at him as he finished off his meal, and didn’t argue as Sirius took the tray off to the kitchen. Remus stole that opportunity to quickly slip into boxers and a t-shirt, and had settled himself back in bed the moment Sirius reentered.

“Alright so we need to chat about your health,” Sirius said. He resumed his chair, though he pulled it closer to the side of the bed.

Remus felt his entire body flush and thought, _ah here it comes._

“I don’t like the idea of you doing this alone,” Sirius said, clasping his hand loosely between his knees as he leant forward. “I know you said you’ve done this on your own, but if Regulus hadn’t come in and checked on you, it could have been bad.”

Remus blinked, the conversation not going anywhere near where he expected, and he cleared his throat as he turned his body toward Sirius. “Er. Well it would have passed, really.”

“Still. If you’re feeling poorly, at least let me know.”

Remus couldn’t look away from the imploring grey eyes, and eventually bit down on his lower lip and nodded. “Alright. I can do that.”

Sirius smiled, and in spite of the bizarre situation, he reached out and brushed a few stray curls away from Remus’ forehead. “I have to get home and make a few calls, but if you need anything, please ring me up. Or text. This isn’t just you showing up to do what I ask and me shoving money into your pocket, you know. I…we’re partners in this.”

Remus’ tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, and he clenched his hands into fists to stop himself from doing something stupid like reaching out and grabbing Sirius and kissing him. “I know. It’s just something I’m used to.”

Sirius let out a low chuckle and sighed, easing himself up from the chair. “Take care, Remus. Alright?”

Remus nodded, then as the light flicked off, he closed his eyes and attempted to stamp down on the growing affection for the one person he should never fall for.

*** 

Remus thought he’d have more time to worry about how things went with Sirius, only he hadn’t bothered to take into consideration how busy Uni was going to keep him. It reached a point where he barely had time for sleeping and eating. His lectures were demanding, his professors more so than they ever had been, and the pressing stress of needing to get his thesis written overwhelmed him.

Sirius’ demands on him were low. He would show up to events, occasional lunches at the office, and the time he did have for resting was often at the Potters’ for their Sunday lunches. In fact, it was one of these where Remus learnt in his University hysteria, he’d missed the bit where his best friend in the entire world was now dating the best friend and brother of his sugar daddy.

Remus walked into the parlour to find James and Lily cosied up near the standing bar. James had one hand on her waist, the other brushing back a lock of her hair and she was _smiling_ about it. Remus had never seen her so relaxed and easy with someone before, and he wasn’t sure what to think.

Before he could process, however, the pair spotted him and James grinned widely, detaching himself from his girlfriend to come and say hi. “Alright, mate?”

Remus nodded. “Never better. So you two?”

Lily blushed hard, but shrugged. “We hit it off.”

“Clearly,” Remus said, and it hadn’t meant to be bitter, but he couldn’t help himself. The more he played this game with Sirius, the lonelier he felt. And it was worse being so absolutely busy that he barely had a moment to think for himself. He caught himself though, and cleared his throat. “Honestly, you’re adorable together.”

James, who had frowned at Remus’ tone, lightened up immediately. “She’s really great. I guess I owe you for quite a bit, eh?”

Remus rolled his eyes, but grinned and shrugged. “Is Sirius here?”

“Ah. No. He’s caught up at the office with dad, but they should be back before we eat,” James said, but he looked a bit sheepish.

Remus could only begin to wonder what that was about. They’d been official in their contracted relationship for months now, and nothing was any different. The few times Remus had taken poorly, Sirius had either been by with food and tea, or had sent Regulus or Bill off to take care of him. Other than that, it was short dates, and these lunches.

With a shrug, Remus instead went to help himself to tea which was laid out on the table, and Mrs Potter joined him shortly after so they could talk about his dissertation progress. The conversation was light and pleasant, and by the time the lunch was ready, Regulus and Bill had arrived, but no sign of Sirius or Fleamont.

“We’ll start without them,” Effie said. “They’re working on a difficult case right now, so I’m not surprised.”

Remus felt a bit dejected. He rather enjoyed what little time he did have with Sirius. His crush wasn’t any less, but it was manageable and although it was technically breaking the rules, what Sirius didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Remus never, ever, planned to act on it.

“So,” Effie said, pointing her fork at Remus. “I’ve heard your birthday is coming up.”

Remus blinked in surprise, then shrugged. “It is. I don’t really celebrate though.”

“Nonsense. You’re family now, of course. So we’ll at least have a small dinner party for you. Any chance your parents would be in the country?”

Remus shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. They never travel anymore. My father’s incredibly busy these days, and the High Holy Days are coming up. Pesach,” he clarified when she looked confused. “Not until April but he takes a while to prepare for it.”

“He’s a Rabbi, yes?” Effie asked.

Remus nodded. “It’s a sort of family tradition. One he’s not happy about me breaking.”

She gave him a soft smile. “Ah well,” her gaze flickered to James, “suppose we understand that one a little bit.”

James rolled his eyes. “And yet look how amazing we turned out, eh Remus?”

With a chuckle, Remus shook his head. “Maybe they’ll see it that way some day.” He didn’t mention he hadn’t once brought up Sirius to his parents. He had no idea how to bring up the fact that he wasn’t straight, and the idea that he was dating for money—his parents wouldn’t understand. There was no way. They’d taken it hard enough learning he was going into secular religious history—not even Jewish history—and he had no plans to rejoin the faith.

Throwing, I’m in love with a bloke, on there was a bit much, he reckoned. Even as progressive as his parents could be.

Sometimes.

An hour later, Remus’ mobile began to chime and talking of the Devil, he saw Ima on his screen. Slipping out the back door, Remus leant against one of the benches to answer.

“I was just talking about you.”

“Were you?” His mother’s voice came out pleasant and light, though her age was starting to show. “Am I catching you at a bad time?”

“No,” Remus said, closing his eyes. “Just having a meal with friends. How are you?”

“Well enough. Honestly I’ll keep this brief. Abba’s trying to make plans for Pesach and we wanted to know if you’ve booked your flight.”

Remus groaned. “Ima I told you already I’m not coming this year. I can’t. I’m completely swamped with my dissertation and I’m back on Plaquenil and travelling there makes my symptoms so much worse.”

There was a long pause. “Have you had flares?”

“Not a lot. A few. But I’m fine.”

“Remus,” she said from behind a sigh, “I wish you’d at least try to meet a nice girl. Someone who can look after you, because I know how you get. You throw yourself into work and you don’t mind your health. They have wonderful events at the synagogues there. That’s how I met your father and I—”

“I’ve met someone already,” he blurted, unsure what was coming over him, but honestly he was so tired of him listening to her prattle on about meeting a nice Jewish girl and settling down. It wasn’t want he wanted and he just needed to be heard.

His mother paused, then cleared her throat. “You have? Who is she? Tell me about her. Maybe I can talk Abba into making a trip to meet her and we can…”

Remus felt his mouth go dry and he blurted, “It’s a man.” He froze then, panic flooding through every limb, but it was too late to take it back.

“I’m sorry. What?”

Remus cleared his throat and decided he needed to be brave. A tiny voice flared up in the back of his mind though, reminding him it wasn’t his place to tout their relationship for his own purposes. He was serving as Sirius’ boyfriend for payment, not the other way round. “It’s…it’s a man. I’m dating a man. Who is very nice and really wonderful and takes care of me.”

There was a shuffling noise, and then a gruff voice came on the other line. “Remus.”

Cold fear washed over him and he realised his mother had him on the speaker the entire time. “Abba.”

“Tell me this is some ridiculous prank. That you would not lower yourself to commit such a grievous sin. _Remus_. Leaving the faith is one thing but to become a sodomite…”

“I’m not a sodomite,” he spat angrily. “And it’s no different than you and Ima!”

His father began to shout, angrily, cursing him and cursing the day he was born. Remus had never heard him so hateful, so vicious, and he nearly dropped his mobile in an attempt to make it stop.

“I don’t care,” Remus said quietly when the rant stopped. “I’m happy. I…I think I love him.” He felt something crashing over him when he realised that wasn’t a lie.

“Then the sin is upon your head. I won’t have you bring that into my home, do you hear me?”

“I hadn’t planned on it,” Remus growled. “I don’t have any desire to be related to a parent who’s love is conditional.”

“Fine. Have it your way. I have no son.”

“I can live with that,” Remus spat. “You never supported me anyway and I don’t need your love. I don’t want it.”

The line went dead after that, and with shaking hands, Remus shoved his mobile into his pocket. Just before he was about to turn, a soft voice came from the back door, the tone almost laughing.

“What was that about?”

Remus turned to see Sirius stood there, and he felt his panic return. Sirius had heard that entire thing? “Sirius. How long were you standing there?”

“A while,” Sirius said, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Everything alright?”

“Look, I didn’t mean for you to hear all that, okay? I was just…it just…”

Sirius’ brows dipped. “Okay calm down and tell me what happened. I didn’t understand any of it, but I could tell by your tone you were upset.”

Remus blinked, then blurted, “I wasn’t speaking English.” It wasn’t a question, more a realisation, and for just a moment, his panic receded.

“No. It definitely wasn’t English.”

Remus swiped his hand across his brow and let out a shaking breath. “I…that was my parents. They’re just…they’re not happy I’m not coming home for Passover.”

Cocking his head to the side, Sirius said, “I could pay for the tickets if it’s an issue, you know. All you have to do is ask.”

Remus shook his head, and when Sirius reached out a comforting hand, he stepped away from his grasp. Guilt was raging through him now, for the lies, for the secrets. And he’d come out to his parents like that? He knew his father, the stubborn bastard. He’d never forgive him. Not unless Remus renounced everything his father considered a sin and grovelled. And Remus couldn’t do that.

“Sorry I just…my father sort of told me not to come. He’s not happy with me right now.”

Sirius’ face fell a bit as he dropped his hand and sighed. “Well if anyone understands family rubbish, you know it’s me. Anything I can do?”

Remus shook his head. “I think I’d just like to head on home.”

“Would you like me to…?”

Remus swallowed. “I think I’ll catch a ride with Lily. Thanks anyway.” With that, he hurried off to find his friend and without needing to explain, she kissed James goodbye and drove Remus back to his.

She didn’t ask, and he didn’t give details, and he appreciated more than anything her ability to know when he needed to sort things out on his own. He kissed her cheek before heading upstairs, and just as he was climbing into bed, his phone buzzed with a text.

_If I’ve done something to offend you, please tell me._

Remus stared at Sirius’ text and felt his gut clench. He needed to be honest with him. At least about what he’d told his parents. It was only fair, and he had promised they would communicate.

**It’s not you. I’m not used to rowing with my parents. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about though. In person. Can we meet tomorrow?**

_I’ll be at James’ going over a catering menu for a benefit the firm is hosting. We can meet there if you like?_

**Perfect. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.**

Putting his mobile on silent, Remus pulled the covers up over his head and said a silent prayer to a deity he knew wasn’t listening, that it would all end up okay.

*** 

Remus was nursing a near-migraine by the time he reached James’ restaurant. It was before the dinner crowd, but there was a decent smattering of people at tables, and the chatter was fairly loud. Remus spotted Lily at the bar, a tablet in front of her, and she turned when he walked up.

“Oh you’re here! Excellent.” She dragged him down to a seat and shoved the tablet at him. “James invited me to the benefit thing Sirius and Monty are throwing. You have to help me pick a dress.”

Remus sighed, glancing round for Sirius, and spotted him bent over a clipboard, chatting away to one of the chefs. His face and hands were both animated, lit up and happy, and Remus felt something warm in his chest. It wasn’t often he saw Sirius so relaxed, and it only made his feelings worse.

Swallowing, he turned back to Lily who was watching him with a strange expression. “Sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night. Anyway…” He glanced at the dresses she’d queued, and eventually settled on a short-length black one. “This would look amazing with your hair.”

She cocked her head to the side, then nodded. “Good. It’s in stock too, so I can go pick it up. You don’t think it’s too…I dunno…not me?”

“I think you’ll be stunning and James will probably drop to his knees and propose,” Remus joked. Then his eyes widened when she actually blushed and looked away. “Oh my god, did he do that already?”

Lily shrugged. “Not exactly. He sort of…hinted round the idea.”

“But you…marriage…” he spluttered. Lily had always been adamantly against the idea of marriage, finding it archaic and rooted in sexist religious ideologies.

With a huff, she elbowed him. “It’s not like I’m being traded for lace and goats or something. I wouldn’t even take his name. It’s just…something to think about. I like him.”

“Like him?” Remus pressed.

“Maybe I love him,” she muttered. “It’s all been a bit of a whirlwind. I thought he was some posh arse at first—and he is. But he’s also really sweet and incredible. I can’t…I can’t stop thinking about him and I just want to be around him all the time.”

Remus hated—loathed—that he could relate, and he dropped his head. “I’m happy for you, Lils.”

“Really. Because you look like you want to knock yourself unconscious right now. Are you ever going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Remus licked his lips. “Come by tonight?” The truth was, he needed to get it all out. His feelings for Sirius, school stress, coming out to his parents. Everything. And he trusted Lily to keep his secrets for him.

She was nodding now, reaching out to squeeze his wrist. “I will. And I’ll bring some pizza over as well.”

Remus grinned. “I love you.”

“I know you do. Anyway, your sugar daddy’s on his way out.” She winked, and Remus blushed as Sirius spotted him, grinned, and beckoned him over.

Remus eased himself from the chair, making his way through a few tables to where Sirius was leant against the wall, right near the server’s entrance to the kitchen. 

“Can we go somewhere er…private?” Remus asked.

“Jamie’s office is upstairs.” Sirius reached out, taking Remus’ hand gently, and pulled him toward the stairs. They went up to the second floor, which was nothing more than a narrow corridor with three doors, and James’ office was the very last.

It was small, but had a wide window overlooking the street, and beside his desk was a squashy loveseat which Sirius took, patting the cushion next to him.

Remus hesitated before easing himself down, but kept perched on the very edge, almost ready to bolt if he needed to. He pressed his palms together, squeezing the backs of his hands between his knees, and tried to meet Sirius’ gaze, but failed.

“Alright,” Sirius said. “You look like you’re on the verge of passing out. Do you need something to drink?”

“Probably,” Remus said with a sharp laugh. “But I’d better not. I just…I made a mistake last night.” When he chanced a look up, Sirius’ face had gone dark.

“What sort? Have you… I mean. Does it involve someone else or…?”

“No!” Remus blurted, shaking his head. “Christ, no. I…well my mother rang up—the call you walked up on. And she was going on and on about me meeting a nice girl and settling down and I sort of…blurted out that I had a boyfriend.” He peered up at Sirius through his lashes to see the other man looking now vaguely amused.

“Is that all?”

Remus shook his head. “Not entirely. I mean, we hadn’t discussed whether it was alright or not for me to tell my family. And they didn’t…I hadn’t…”

There was a stillness before Sirius reached out and took his shoulder. “They didn’t know you fancied men.”

Remus nodded, swallowing thickly. “My father has…” Remus took a breath. “Well let’s just say I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have a relationship with him again. It was bad enough when I turned away from the faith but this…” He hung his head, focusing on the feeling of Sirius’ hand on his shoulder. “But I should have discussed it with you first. Before blurting it out to them like that.”

“Remus,” Sirius said very softly, “it’s okay. This isn’t just about me. If you need me to do something—to say something to them…?”

“No,” Remus said from behind a sigh. “It’s not that. I just felt bad for not telling you last night when you asked me what was wrong.”

Sirius licked his lips, then shifted over and pulled Remus into a hug. “It’s alright,” he murmured.

Remus knew this was wrong. He shouldn’t give in to the desire to be held like this because in the end it would make him feel _worse_. But he wanted to be selfish just for a little bit. To take the sort of comfort Lily and James could seek in each other. Or Regulus and Bill. Or his parents who had probably held each other to mourn the loss of their son who had given in to the temptations of the secular world.

He just wanted a little bit. And Sirius was willing to give it.

When he finally pulled away, he rubbed his face and gave Sirius a sheepish smile. “So this benefit…big deal, is it?”

“It’s an annual thing. Plated dinner, the proceeds go to one of our charities,” Sirius said, waving his hand dismissively. “Worst of it is, some of my family will be there.”

Remus’ face darkened. “So loads of drinks and passive aggressive cuddling near them?”

Sirius chuckled and finally dropped his arms from round Remus. “Yeah, something like that. I’ll pick you up and we can go together. Jamie’s bringing Lily to this one.”

Remus smiled softly. “She told me. They seem…happy. I had no idea, you know?”

Sirius laughed. “You’ve been busy. But she’s been at ours quite a bit and I like her. I can see why you’ve been friends for ages. She bigs you up a lot.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “She’s a bloody liar, whatever she’s said about me.”

Sirius nudged him lightly and shook his head. “All good things.”

“And all lies,” Remus joked, feeling quite a bit better now that they’d moved on from the topic of his parents. He took a breath, trying to reign in his flirting, however, and moved to stand. “I should get home and get back on revising, though.”

Sirius rose with him and headed over to open the door. “Alright. Oh, mum and dad said they’re having a birthday thing for you next week though. So be prepared for that.”

Remus groaned. “There’s no stopping them, is there?”

“Not even a little bit. But it’ll be nice, and I’ll make sure they keep it small.” Sirius absently rested his hand on the small of Remus’ back, making him shiver all over. “I’ll see you this weekend.”

Remus nodded, then without saying goodbye to Lily or James, hurried out.

*** 

The benefit came quickly and Remus was wholly unprepared, especially as now—Lily knew. She knew Remus fancied Sirius beyond what they’d agreed upon. She knew that Remus was struggling and it had only been a few months since their agreement began. She knew Remus wasn’t in good enough health to cancel the contract now. And she knew he was suffering because of his choices—from entering into this relationship, to coming out to his parents.

They’d spent half the night talking, well mostly Lily listened and Remus talked. Then they had wine and put on crap telly and ate the pizza which had gone cold before either of them remembered.

“It’s going to be harder if you marry James,” Remus said quietly as he leant into her shoulder. “Because he’ll always be there. Even when this is all over. And what am I supposed to do when it ends? How do I…how do I look at him?”

“I don’t know,” Lily said quietly. “You either pull back as far as you can and get over it, or you tell him the truth.”

Remus licked his lips and sighed. “Do you know anything about Benjy at all? The one Sirius had the agreement with? Because all I know is that there were feelings involved and then it was over.”

Lily shook her head. “Never bothered to ask. I could, if you like?”

Remus took a breath. “I’d rather not, I think. I…I’m not sure I want to know. I’m going to try just…just letting it go and moving on. If I tell him the truth, where does that leave me? But if I can get myself to move on, at least it leaves room for a friendship when this is all over.”

Lily ran her fingers into his curls, soothing him. “It would be easier if you could go out and meet someone.”

“I know,” Remus said miserably. But it was the one thing he could not do.

And it set the mood for when Sirius arrived to pick him up. Remus had dressed and gotten ready, all but the tie as usual, but there was no playful banter when Sirius carefully knotted it for him. Sirius seemed to notice the shift in Remus, but he didn’t say anything about it.

Likely he believed it had to do with Remus’ parents, and Remus was more than happy to let the other man make the assumption. 

They made pleasant conversation on the way over, and at the entrance, James and Lily were waiting which decreased some of the tension. James was riding high on his love for Lily, who looked stunning in the dress, and she was a bit pink in the cheeks with an almost bounce to her step.

“I never get to do this,” she said, leaning into Remus. “God, it’s so…posh. How do you deal with this all the time?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Drink a lot.”

Lily snorted, then snagged two glasses of champagne from a passing tray, handing one off to Remus as James and Sirius hurried to get something a bit stronger from the bar.

“How’s it going?” she asked, leading him to a quiet corner.

“Oh it’s just hell,” Remus said casually, then took a long drink of the bubbly liquid. “But I didn’t reckon it would pass this quickly. I’ve got loads of work to do to bury myself in, anyway.”

Lily sighed, squeezing his arm. “Well I’m sure things will get easier. He’ll get busier, you’ll be working on your dissertation, and it’ll stop feeling like tension. I mean, there was never any between us.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “That’s because you’re a pain in the arse and it’s a miracle anyone could love you.”

“Especially someone that fit,” Lily said, nodding toward James who smiled and winked at her from across the room. Her cheeks erupted into a high blush. “Fuck.”

“Love looks really good on you, Lils,” Remus said quietly.

She gave him her softest smile. “Well it looks like shit on you, so I hope you’re cured soon.”

Lily wandered off a while later, Sirius coming and going, but Remus kept his perch in the corner near the bar, sipping on champagne and watching. It was easier than letting himself participate—dancing with James and Lily like he wanted to. Hanging off Sirius arm and being introduced round as the doting boyfriend like he was craving.

But it was necessary.

He was almost getting the hang of pushing his feelings down when there was a voice near him, sneering a bit. “So, has your partner finally gotten tired of his little charade?”

Remus’ head turned sharply and his eyes narrowed when he saw Lucius there. “I’m sorry?”

“Black seems to think that everyone in his family are as thick-headed as he is. But we know better. We know exactly what it takes for him to acquire a lover.” Lucius smirked. “How much is he paying you?”

Remus licked his lips, then straightened his shoulders. “You’re mistaken, obviously.”

“It must not be a lot, from the state of you,” Lucius carried on. “Poor and foreign. It wouldn’t surprise me if he chose you only for how much it would upset his family. But…what do I know?”

Remus bit back a retort, instead crossing the room to where Sirius was engaged in a deep conversation. He slid up, wrapping his arm round Sirius and leant his head in. “I need to talk to you.”

Sirius looked startled, but nodded. “Of course. Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me only a moment…” He let Remus take his hand and they stood across the room, far from where Remus could see Lucius smirking. “What’s happening?”

“Your cousin. That Lucius bloke…” Remus swallowed, then recounted the entire conversation. “They know.”

Sirius’ cheeks went a bit pink, then he blew out air. “Nonsense. He’s only trying to get a rise out of you.”

“Well…well I’m not sure,” Remus said quietly. “We haven’t been acting very couple-y and he asked if you were getting tired of me.”

An expression flickered across Sirius’ face Remus couldn’t read, then he reached out and put his hand at Remus’ waist. “Let’s have a couple of dances, then we’ll beg off for the night. I don’t want to cause a scene, and you’re getting upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Remus said in a rush. “But I don’t want your family…”

“Remus,” Sirius said sharply, “my family has been horrid to me since the day I left, okay? I’m used to it. They can’t hurt me anymore.”

There was something in Sirius’ tone though, in his eyes, that told Remus it wasn’t entirely true. That every time they came at Sirius, it still hurt. Which he could understand. “Fine,” Remus said. “A dance and then we go.”

Sirius nodded, pulling Remus onto the dance floor, and he took the lead. Remus was happy to let him, his head spinning with the what-ifs, and the might-bes. What if his family found out and went public? And it got back to his own? It was bad enough his parents found out about his attraction to other men, but to learn about Sirius like this?

And what would it do to Sirius? His reputation was clearly very important to him, and he had been very careful. If Lucius knew, then how? How did he find out?

Remus was too lost in his thoughts to realise the dance was over, and it wasn’t until Sirius touched the side of his face that he came back to himself. “You ready to go?” Sirius asked very quietly.

Remus gulped, then nodded. They said their goodbyes to Lily and James—both of whom looked a bit concerned, but they didn’t argue. Then they were getting the car from the valet and Sirius was speeding down the street.

Remus didn’t bring up the arrangement again, and Sirius didn’t bother Remus about his worries. They said goodbye, a hand squeezing Remus’ shoulder, and that was it.

It was the last time Remus would hear from Sirius for weeks.

And when they did reconnect, all hell had broken loose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Moony!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it. I actually did it. Hopefully the ending isn't total shit. It kind of gets all sappy and everything, but I wanted to end on some nice fluff. So here we go.
> 
> TW for this chapter: mentions of transphobia and misgendering.

It started with a phone call.

Remus hadn’t heard much from Sirius after the charity ball. A couple of texts here and there asking about his health, and his short replies were either accepted or ignored—but with no response from Sirius, Remus couldn’t be sure. But it was better that way, he told himself. It was better to let things fade into a dull roar in the background so he could get over these feelings.

Remus tried to pretend he didn’t spend every free moment outside of research and revising thinking about the other man. How he’d stare at Regulus just to see the similarities between the brothers so he could tuck them away in his mind for dreaming. He pretended like he didn’t go through and fondly stare at photos which Remus was completely sure Sirius had hung up—as Regulus was not the sentimental, photo-hanging type of bloke.

All in all, it was an elaborately crafted fantasy of not crushing on Sirius Black which Remus was living in.

His birthday came round with dinner at the Potters’, and Remus felt white-hot anxiety in his gut as he arrived. Lily and James were there, as cuddly and sappy as ever, and the Potters greeted him with enthusiastic hugs. Mr Potter, in a very James-like fashion, grabbed Remus by the shoulders and kissed him squarely on the forehead.

“We are so glad to have you in our family.”

When Remus attempted to argue that he was hardly family, he was laughed off and shuffled to the table.

The only stark difference between this night and a normal Sunday lunch was the absence of Sirius. “He’s at the office, I’m afraid. He told you, didn’t he?” Effie asked.

Remus shrugged. “We’re both completely snowed under, so we don’t talk as much as we’d like. I just wasn’t sure if he would make it tonight.”

“I’m positive he’ll make it up to you,” Monty said with a shrug. “Trust me, the way he talks about you…”

Remus blinked. “He what.”

“Oh that boy thinks the sun shines out your arse, my dear,” Effie said, and laughed when Remus blushed. “Not that we mind listening to the finer attributes of Remus Lupin every time he comes round…but I wouldn’t worry about him forgetting your birthday.”

Remus swallowed thickly, but said nothing.

Just before the night was over, Monty pulled Remus outside. “Do you drive?”

Remus frowned. “Er. Well I can, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m licensed and everything.”

Monty nodded, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys which he pushed into Remus’ hand. He nodded over to three cars, then pointed at the small, black car sat in the middle. “All yours. Happy Birthday.”

Remus nearly choked on his own tongue. “Oh. No, no I can’t…that’s too…no.”

Monty rolled his eyes. “I have too many. I’ve acquired these over the years and they’re just sitting gathering dust.” When he caught a look at Remus’ torn expression, he sighed. “Even if something happens and you and Sirius split in the future, it’s still yours. You’re family.”

Remus started to shake his head. “I just…”

“Sirius picked it out, anyway. Said it reminded him of you. Quiet, unassuming beauty and charm.”

Remus was blushing hot and almost tingly, and although he weakly protested several more times, the elder Potter refused to take it back. Remus was forced to return to the house, stunned and silent, and when James looked at him, he laughed.

“Car, was it?” He clapped Remus on the shoulder when Remus nodded mutely. “He does this a lot. Gave one to the bloke who delivered the paper a few years ago and nearly killed the poor sod. It’s fine, Remus. I’m glad of it.”

Remus was then forced to drive home in the sleek, comfortable vehicle—something he never anticipated owning. He wasn’t entirely sure what to think, but he still tromped upstairs and put the keys on his nightstand, and spent the rest of his waking hours wondering why, if Sirius really bigged him up that much, he didn’t bother to show.

*** 

His questions were answered three days later. Remus was in the middle of revising when a call came through, and he picked it up without looking at the screen. “Hello?”

“Remus, is Sirius with you?”

It was Regulus, and Remus was startled by his tense tone. “Er. No, I’m at home. Why?”

“Buggering fucking shitting hell,” Regulus cursed impressively. “Get in your car and go to his flat now. It’s an emergency.”

Without even asking for details, Remus was on his feet, toeing on his trainers and grabbing for his keys. “What’s going on?” he gasped as he took the stairs down two at a time.

“That shit rag, the Daily Prophet published an article about him. Some op-ed piece about his lavish spending habits.”

It took Remus a moment to realise what spending habits he was talking about. “Oh. Fuck.”

Regulus let out a bitter laugh. “It gets worse. They repeatedly use his dead name, misgender him. And there’s a long discussion about the surgeries Sirius had backed out on several years ago.”

Remus felt his face flush hot with rage. “Who could have done this?” He reached the car, climbing in, and said a small prayer that traffic would allow him a swift ride over.

“Benjy,” Regulus spat. “That…that bloody bastard.”

Remus licked his lips. “I don’t want to pry but…”

“The situation was more complicated than I let on,” Regulus said, his tone resigned. “Benjy and Sirius were into each other. But when Sirius decided he didn’t want to go through surgeries, that he was content in his body, Benjy…he decided he couldn’t handle it. There were several rows and eventually Sirius terminated their relationship and contract. Benjy was furious, of course. He never got over it.”

“And now he’s spilling Sirius’ private business to some gossip publication?” Remus all-but shouted.

“It’s why I was nervous that he was…well I was afraid he was making the same mistake. Benjy seemed alright at first,” Regulus said, sounding pained.

“I understand,” Remus said quickly. “Listen, I’m nearly there but are you able to come? What am I going to expect here?”

“Just keep him calm. He’s probably pissed out of his mind already. James will be home tonight, I’ve got a text off him already and he knows I’m ringing you now. I’d be there except Bill and I are in Cardiff for a conference.”

“It’s fine,” Remus said. “I’ll stay as long as he needs me.” Remus pulled up to the kerb not far from the entrance to the building and switched the car off. “I’m here now. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Thank you, Remus,” Reg said from behind a sigh. “I owe you.”

“No,” Remus said firmly, “you don’t. Whatever else this is, Sirius is my friend.” With that, Remus rang off and headed into the building without ceremony. He was too anxious to wait for the lifts, so took the stairs as quick as he could, catching his breath on the landing before pounding on Sirius’ door.

It took several moments, but eventually it was flung open and Sirius—a bit red in the cheeks—appeared. His face lifted into a grin, and he reached out with one hand, grabbing Remus by the front of his shirt. “Look who it is! Look! It’s Remus!” He shouted it like he was making an announcement to a room full of people, but when Remus looked round, there was no one.

Sirius slammed the door behind him though, letting him go in favour of grabbing a half-empty glass of whiskey from the table. Remus saw a near-empty bottle beside it, and he sighed.

“Celebrating?”

“Oh you know. My rubbish family dragging my name and reputation again. Another day with the Blacks as it were.” Sirius took a stumbling step toward Remus and reached out, cupping his face. “Ever told you how pretty you are, Remus? So…lovely. Like…a moon. The moon. One of Jupiter’s moons.”

Remus couldn’t help his laugh as he carefully pushed Sirius’ hand down. “Thank you. Can I have a sip of that?” He snatched the whiskey away, and Sirius paid it no mind as Remus walked to the sink and dumped it down, pouring the rest of the bottle with it. He put the kettle on next, then went back to the lounge where Sirius had sprawled out on the sofa.

“Have a seat.” He gave his crotch a pat, then broke into a fit of laughter.

Remus rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help a tiny smile at the sound of Sirius’ adorable giggles, and he slid to the floor beside his head. “You shouldn’t listen to that rubbish, Sirius. You’re so much better than they are. They’re just looking for a story.”

Sirius rolled onto his side and cupped Remus’ face. “S’not like they’re lying though, are they? M’a freak. Have to buy a boyfriend cos all of them want stuff I don’t have and you…have I told you how pretty you are, Remus?”

Remus laughed, pulling Sirius’ hand down, but kept it in his. “Just moments ago. But I’m not really.”

“Oh yes you are,” Sirius argued. He attempted to sit up, but his liquor-weakened muscles wouldn’t allow it, and he flopped back down. “You wanna give us a kiss, Remus?”

“Yes,” Remus said honestly, figuring it couldn’t get worse than this. “But I’m not going to.”

“Right.” Sirius’ face fell so fast it made Remus’ head spin. “I mean why would you? With all I’ve got and everything.”

Remus licked his lips. “I don’t want to kiss you because you don’t really fancy me. You’re upset and you’re drunk and I refuse to take advantage of that.”

“I do fancy you, even when you’re sober.”

Remus laughed. “Right. When you’re sober.”

Sirius nodded solemnly. “All the time. Can’t stop thinking about you. It’s driving me mad, Remus. Wasn’t supposed to fancy you. Not part of the rules.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Remus said softly.

“But I can’t let you goooooo,” he said in a sing-song voice. “How bout a cuddle? And a cry? Can I cuddle and cry?”

Remus sighed, but rose to the sofa and let Sirius bury his face in Remus’ lap. He did cry then, quiet, shaking sobs and Remus pet his hair over and over until it died down and Sirius let out a loud snore. With a fond smile, Remus continued to hold him close and comforting, hoping that the only thing Sirius remembered was that someone had been here who cared.

He wanted to rip this Benjy to shreds, to make him feel physical pain the way Sirius had felt it emotionally. He wished Sirius could actually feel that way about him, but he wasn’t foolish enough to think that it wasn’t just alcohol induced.

Still, this was something. It was something he could give back, and he did so until near midnight when the door opened and James crept in.

The bespectacled man took one look at Sirius curled up on Remus’ lap and sighed. “How bad was it?”

Remus shrugged, keeping his voice low. “Reckon it could have been a lot worse.” He continued to pet Sirius’ hair until he realised James was watching him, then dropped his hand awkwardly to rest on the back of Sirius’ shoulder. “Will he be alright?”

James sighed, sliding to the floor near Remus’ legs, and leant his head against Remus’ knee. “He should be. This isn’t the first time they’ve been…horrible. His family, I mean.”

“I just don’t want him to be alone,” Remus said quietly. “Not if it’s going to mean him suffering.”

James gave him a careful look. “He’s very fond of you, you know.”

Remus blinked. “I well…I mean we’re friends. So I should hope he…” Remus trailed off, not sure what to say.

James shook his head and sighed. “He just needs a few days.” James yawned, then rose. “You want me to take over or…?”

“I’m alright for now. I’ll see about getting him into bed in a bit.”

James smiled fondly. “Alright. I’ve an early morning delivery so I’m going to pass straight out. Wake me though, if anything happens.”

Remus nodded, watching James stretch and head out of the room. A few minutes later, Sirius groaned and shifted, and Remus took the opportunity to ease him up. “Come on. Let’s get you into bed.”

Sirius mumbled a few things under his breath before stumbling along. Remus held him with a careful arm, making his way to the bedroom, and he flicked on a low light. Sirius wriggled out of his trousers, leaving himself in only boxers and a t-shirt, and Remus touched his back carefully.

“You should take your binder off. I’m pretty sure it’s not good to sleep in it.”

With a pout, Sirius sat up with his eyes still closed, and raised his arms like a child. Rolling his eyes, Remus carefully pulled off his shirt, then did his best not to look as he eased the binder off Sirius’ chest. He replaced the shirt, then shoved Sirius back onto the bed, pulling the blankets to his chin.

“Alright. I should go,” Remus said, and started away when a firm hand caught his wrist. Remus startled, going down to a kneel by the side of the bed. “Sirius?”

“Stay. Please. Don’t wanna be alone right now. Please please, Remus?”

Remus wanted to say no. Knew he ought to. It would be the worst idea of all time to say yes. And yet he found himself climbing into the bed next to Sirius and letting the other man wrap round him tightly. His eyes shut and he tried not to think about what it would be like to have this every night.

Sirius turned and pressed a soft kiss to the side of Remus’ neck. “You’re so great, you know that. I…” Then he dropped off and fell asleep.

*** 

Remus woke alone that morning, with a note apologising for his behaviour and a promise to ring him up later. It was a dismissal, and it stung, though Remus expected it. He knew Sirius had been pissed out of his mind and not thinking clearly.

Gathering himself up out of Sirius’ bed, he carefully made his way down to the street and to his car. He had lectures, but the stress of the night before, he decided to bunk off and spend the day lounging round without research or worry—as much as he could, anyway.

He checked his mobile so many times he ran the battery down by the end of the day, and still no word from Sirius. Regulus rang to check in and get an update from the night before, but otherwise his day was silent.

Remus felt achingly lonely, and too confused. But he wouldn’t let himself fall into the trap of the what-ifs. There was no indication things would be different, and likely Sirius just needed a day to recover from his massive hang-over and emotional outburst.

Or maybe four days, as it happened.

Remus didn’t hear from him until Saturday before they were supposed to have lunch with the Potters. Sirius sent a text which made Remus’ stomach clench.

_We need to talk. Can you come to mine? Also don’t worry about tomorrow’s lunch at the Potters’. It’s off._

Remus tried not to panic as he sent a text back. **I can be there in fifteen.**

He didn’t get a text off Sirius after that, so he assumed it was safe to go. Not bothering with any finesse, he headed over in his lounge clothes, and arrived right on time as he said he would. He saw Sirius’ motorbike parked out in the front, and tried not to think about the ride home he’d been given, wrapped tight round Sirius’ body.

That only served to make him think about sleeping in Sirius’ bed.

And waking alone.

Remus ran his fingers through his curls, then headed up the stairs and quietly knocked on the door. It took a few moments for Sirius to answer, and he was currently in leggings and a t-shirt that was likely James’. It was Arsenal themed and hung to his knees. Sirius’ hair was also tied up into a high bun, and his eyes were droopy like he hadn’t slept in days.

He looked dishevelled and adorable, and Remus hated how much he wanted to kiss him.

Sirius offered him a tense smile as he stepped aside, and shut the door with a loud click. “Tea or anything?”

Remus shook his head as he made his way to the lounge. “Alright? You look…” Remus shook his head as he sat. “Is it backlash from the Prophet?”

Sirius made a disgusted sound as he took a seat in the armchair. “No. Fuck them, anyway. They’ve done this sort of thing before.”

Remus wanted to point out that Benjy hadn’t done this, and it was a betrayal, but he didn’t. However before he could open his mouth to say anything, his mobile began to buzz. Checking the screen, he saw his mum’s name and sighed, tucking it away again. “Alright well. What did you want to chat about?”

“Well,” Sirius said carefully, picking at his nail. “I wanted to discuss…”

He fell silent as Remus’ mobile began to buzz again. With a sigh, Remus looked up at the other man. “Mind if I take this? She’ll carry on until I answer.”

Sirius waved his hand. “Go on, then. Just make it quick, yeah?”

“Promise,” Remus said, then rose to stand by the terrace door. “Ima, I’m a little busy right now and I…”

“Remus.” Her voice was high and tight. “Your father’s passed.”

There was a funny ringing in his ears, and Remus was certain he’d heard her wrong. “What? What…what erm. What do you mean?”

“It was a heart attack. He didn’t make it through the night. You should probably come here. I’m so sorry to …” The rest of the words were cut off as the ringing got louder, and the edges of Remus’ vision went white.

He didn’t notice much until warm, strong arms were guiding him to the sofa, and soft palms were pulling the mobile out of his hand and clutching his cheeks. Beyond the ringing a soft voice was calling his name. “Remus? Hey, you with me? Re? Come on, what’s happening?”

The ringing stopped and there was a profound silence in the room. Remus’ eyes looked up, searching Sirius’ face for a second, then his mouth opened. “My father’s just died.”

*** 

It was a whirlwind after that. Sirius refused to let Remus be alone. He held him like he was glass about to shatter, waiting on edge for the inevitable explosion of tears and wailing and gnashing of teeth. But it never came. Remus went instantly numb and didn’t say much as Sirius arranged a private flight to Tel Aviv.

They were to leave straight away, and under normal circumstances Remus would have attempted to balk at Sirius coming along. But he didn’t have it in him. He didn’t care if people were upset. He didn’t care if his mother found the relationship wrong. He just didn’t care.

At the small airfield, Sirius took Remus’ hand as they climbed into the tiny jet, and it wasn’t long before they were in the air. Remus was sat in a surprisingly comfortable, squashy chair, Sirius directly in front of him, and their eyes met.

“Remus?”

Chancing a small smile, Remus swallowed. “Er. We never had our conversation.”

Sirius looked startled, then barked a laugh. “Hardly appropriate right now.”

“Is it?” Remus challenged. “Would it take my mind off this…this…” He shook his head. “It feels like there’s something in my gut trying to claw its way out, but I don’t know how to make it stop. And I keep waiting to cry or…or anything.” 

Sirius stood up and walked off, returning with a glass of cool water which Remus drank eagerly. “I know.”

Remus nodded as Sirius resumed his seat. “I keep thinking about how our last conversation was nothing but hate. He hated me for what I am. I hated him for not being able to love me enough. But I didn’t.” Remus felt his chin wobble for a second, and thought maybe this was it, but it stopped. “I didn’t hate him and I wonder if he knew it.”

“He did,” Sirius said, his voice soft and low. He reached out and took Remus’ hand. “He was your dad. He knew.”

Remus sighed, turning his gaze out the window. “The thing is, I think he meant what he said to me. Love isn’t enough when it compromises everything you believe in.”

Sirius bit down on his lower lip and shifted so far forward in his seat, he was barely perched at the edge. “I think,” he said slowly, “that we put a lot of stock in what the word family means, and we forget to live up to it. But I’ve seen the way your face goes when you talked about him. Tough but fond. He knew, Remus. And that might not be enough but…it’s something.”

That was it, really. Remus felt something unleash, like the floodgates crashing open, and he bowed forward. He didn’t stop Sirius as he came forward, tucking Remus into his arms and letting him sob uncontrollably against his chest. Sirius merely whispered soothing words into his ears, not even in English, but the tone helped, as did the fingers playing with his curls.

Eventually Remus dropped off, his face sticky and swollen, pressed against Sirius’ chest. He didn’t wake again until they began the descent, and Sirius shook him gently. “Hey. Wake up, love.”

Remus blinked his eyes, wincing at how sore they were. “Hmm?”

Sirius chuckled very quietly, using the back of his knuckles to wipe tear tracks away from Remus’ cheeks. “We’re about to land.”

Sirius had to shift over to his own seat for the landing, and when it was over, Remus rose, wincing at the ache in his back. Sirius put a careful arm round him as the doors were opened, and they headed straight for a car which was waiting to take them to Remus’ mum’s.

“This is surreal,” Remus said. And it was. The last time he’d been in Tel Aviv, he’d been a broke student visiting his parents and deflecting questions about whether or not he wanted to come back to the faith and follow in his father’s footsteps.

Now he was in a private car with his incredibly rich sugar daddy boyfriend off to deal with the fact that after a huge row and vicious words, his father was dead. Their parting words had been of anger and separation. And that’s what Remus had to live with for the rest of his life.

Bowing his head against the window, he closed his eyes and felt a soft hand grip his knee. Neither of them said much. Nothing needed to be said.

When they arrived at Remus’ mum’s, Sirius hung back as Remus led the charge. The home was full of people, which Remus had expected. His mother wouldn’t have wanted to do it alone, and he was instantly bombarded with his cousins.

He glanced back at Sirius, who was careful to keep to himself, but Remus found himself abandoning all pretence and grabbed his hand, keeping him close. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “It gets worse from here.”

Sirius gave him a soft smile and tugged him closer. “I’m here for a reason.”

Remus nodded, swallowing thickly until he found his mother in the kitchen cooking. It had always been her stress relief, and he smelled something fruity and sweet. Jam, he reckoned, and almost laughed at the absurdity of his mother making jam hours after his father had died.

She turned away from the cooker and her eyes were red-rimmed by dry. Her mouth set in a hard line when she saw Remus clutching the hand of Sirius, and it was clear she was debating about what to say.

“You’re staying here. But the two of you will not…”

“Don’t,” Remus bit, then switched to English because he wouldn’t have Sirius left out right now. “He’s here with me to support me. So don’t. Or I won’t stay.”

Hope’s eyes widened, then she deflated. “Have it your way. The burial is tomorrow so you have to be prepared.”

Remus nodded. He’d only been to a couple of funerals, never ones he participated in. They’d been distant family members that his father had proceeded over. This was all new, and horrifying, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“Let’s take our things upstairs,” Remus murmured.

Sirius nodded, and they took their cases, trudging up the narrow stairs, past old photos of Remus growing up, and into his childhood bedroom.

It looked the same as it had when he was younger. Band posters and photos of friends he hadn’t spoken to since before University. His bed was just big enough to accommodate the pair of them, and he still had his old Mickey Mouse sheets on them.

Sirius burst into a fit of laughter, and Remus punched him on the arm. “Don’t. I was a complete nerd.”

“I can tell,” Sirius said, pulling out an old mouse ear hat with Remus’ name embroidered on the front.

“Sod off, I got that when I was nine.” Remus grabbed it and banged it on top of his bookshelf. His smile quickly fell as his mood changed so rapidly, his head spun. Before he could collapse, Sirius had his arms round him again. 

“Hey. Hey it’s alright. I’m here.”

Remus nodded, burying his face in Sirius’ neck. “I know this was not part of the contract. Not what you signed up for.”

“Sod the fucking contract,” Sirius said fiercely. “Christ, Remus, you’re a suffering human being—one I care about quite a lot. So just let me, okay?”

Remus nodded, his brain too overwhelmed to read anything into other than someone was offering comfort for no other reason than to offer it. And he was going to take it. And for once, he didn’t feel undeserving.

*** 

The whole affair was a bloody nightmare, really. Everything was strict ritual and routine. Being the only son, Remus was thrown into a role he was wholly unprepared for, and he was given little time at all to deal with his own, private grief. Not just the loss of his father, but the utter hatred between them before he’d passed.

Remus had no way to resolve the issue, no way to make it feel better.

After the burial and after everyone had gone, Remus retreated into his room with two cups of tea to find Sirius there going through some of his old photo albums. Remus lifted a brow, and Sirius laughed, patting the bed beside him.

“You were a lanky, giant nerd,” Sirius said, pointing to a photo of too-thin, wiry fourteen year old Remus.

With a blush, Remus handed the tea over. “I was ridiculous. We were in Wales then, and I stuck out like a sore thumb.”

Sirius ran his finger over the picture. “You went to school in your kippah?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes. It was easier to do it than to argue the semantics of crimes against fashion. I had no clever way of making it look cool or trendy, so I just endured all the slagging and got on with my life.”

Sirius reached up, ruffling Remus’ curls. “Yours looked cute at the funeral. I hope that wasn’t grossly inappropriate of me.”

Remus snorted. “I could use a bit of grossly inappropriate right now. Helps take my mind off things.” He glanced down at a photo of himself next to his father, arms round each other’s shoulders.

“You look like him.”

Remus nodded, feeling his throat constrict. “Yeah. Spit of him, everyone said. I never thought it would go so wrong.”

Sirius reached out, cupping Remus’ cheek. “I didn’t know him, so I can’t assume. But I like to think he loved you no matter what, and just didn’t know how to deal with everything.”

Remus scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t crying, but everything ached. “I hope so. But honestly part of me doesn’t even want to know. Because it might be worse. Whether it was good or bad, you know?”

Sirius nodded, leaning his head against Remus’ shoulder. “I know.”

Remus closed his eyes, revelling in the comfort. “I need to talk to my mother though. I need to…to sort things out. We’re not staying for all of Shiva.”

“Shiva?”

“Mourning period,” Remus said with a sigh. “It’s…a mourning custom. But I can’t miss anymore lectures than I have already and honestly my mother has so much of our family here. It’s better.”

“You can stay, you know,” Sirius said, squeezing Remus’ hand.

He shook his head. “I don’t want to. I love her and I respect her desire to live this life, but it’s not for me. I need to get on with it.” With that, Remus pushed himself toward the end of the bed. “I’ll be back, okay?”

“Take your time,” Sirius said very quietly.

Remus headed out the door and to the kitchen where his mother was alone at the table, clutching tea between her hands. She wasn’t crying, and her eyes weren’t swollen, but her mouth was drawn into a frown and she only glanced up when Remus entered.

“Ima.” He sat down and sighed, switching to Welsh. “I’m not staying.”

She let out a small laugh. “I didn’t think you were, Remus. You’ve made your priorities very clear. That…that relationship and…”

“I have lectures,” Remus clarified. “And I’m trying to finish my degree and I know this is important to you, but Abba made it very clear when we last spoke that I was no son of his.”

She looked at him, but didn’t agree or disagree with the claim. After a moment, she sighed. “Is it money? Have you really come to believe that riches are better than us? I thought you were a happy child. You…you never seemed to be drawn to these worldly temptations. But I see the car you arrived in, and the clothes you’re both wearing. I know about the jet. I see the designer cases. Remus, I don’t understand.”

Remus felt his face go hot. “It’s not about the money, Ima. I love him.” He was telling the truth, blunt and painful as it was, because he wasn’t loved back. But it wasn’t about the contract anymore. Or the weekly allowances. He’d just faced the death of his father and it was time to be honest. “It’s probably not going to work out. He doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

Hope let out a laugh, this one not so bitter. “Son, you are as blind as your father ever was. The way that man looks at you…you are his world. And don’t argue, I know the look well. It was the same look I had when I met John. And the look he had for me. Whatever you’ve got yourself into, just please be honest. Be happy.”

Remus swallowed, fighting back tears as she reached across the table and took his hand. “I love you, Ima. I’m still your son and…”

“That never stopped,” Hope said quietly. “Now go back up and get some rest before your flight tomorrow.”

Remus nodded, rising from the table and heading back up. Sirius was in the bed now, sat up against the pillows, but tucked under the duvet. When Remus entered, he gave him a careful smile but looked away as Remus changed down into pyjama bottoms and a loose t-shirt.

“Redo without all the whiskey,” Sirius said very quietly as Remus crawled atop the mattress.

Looking over sharply, Remus blushed. “You remember that?”

“Well I wasn’t arse-faced when I woke up in the morning with my arms round you,” Sirius said. “But honestly I wasn’t that pissed. Well, I was, but I…remember.”

Remus’ face went hot with panic as he recalled the things Sirius had said that night. About fancying him. And…everything. “Oh. Right. Well…” When Sirius offered nothing more, he climbed beneath the covers and tried to give Sirius as much space as he could.

“I’m sorry I missed your birthday. I’ve been struggling with some personal issues but…I wanted to be there.” Sirius then leant over the side of the bed and pulled something out of his case. It was book-shaped, and wrapped badly, but it was sweet.

There was a hand-tied bow made of yellow ribbon, and Sirius flicked one of the curls at the end before giving it over. 

“You didn’t need to do this,” Remus said quietly.

“Yes, I did. The car was Monty’s idea.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “He’s done it for everyone too, so before you get in a strop just know you’re not unique.”

Remus laughed, toying with the edge of the wrapping paper. “Thank you.”

“Just open it, Remus,” Sirius growled, elbowing him.

With a sigh, Remus removed the ribbon, then the wrappings, and a book fell onto his lap. The cover was leather, stiff, and smelt new. The words, however, shone embossed and bright. Biblia Sacra Vvlgatae. He flipped the cover, and his eyes widened at the aged, ancient pages. Scared to touch it, he closed it quietly, and looked over.

“Vulgate?”

Sirius shrugged. “I asked round, what would be the most precious gift for a huge nerd like you. Theology and all that. Took me ages to get my hands on one this old. It’s restored. The cover had been all-but destroyed, but the pages were well intact and in good condition.”

Remus stared down, his eyes going a bit fuzzy. “I…don’t want to know how much this cost.”

Sirius laughed, the sound startled. “No, you really don’t. But it doesn’t matter. I wanted to do something special.”

Remus couldn’t stop himself, he launched himself at Sirius and pressed his lips hard to Sirius’ cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Sirius smiled gently, pushing him back to cup his cheek. “Happy birthday.”

Remus stared down at it again, then carefully slid the bible onto his nightstand. “Sirius. I want to know what you brought me to yours to talk about.”

That seemed to startle the other man, and Sirius quickly shook his head. “Remus, it’s not a good time to…”

“It is,” Remus said. “It’s the perfect time. I need to know.”

“Remus…”

“Please,” he begged.

Sirius bowed his head. “I…wanted to terminate our contract.”

Remus had expected it, and honestly expected the blow to be a little bit worse. But perhaps it was that the entire world had attempted to rip Remus’ heart out and use it as a puppy’s chew-toy that this just didn’t hit as hard as he thought it might.

“Okay. Why?” Remus knew what the answer would be. Sirius likely knew about Remus’ feelings and he didn’t have another choice.

“It’s not that I don’t…” Sirius gave a frustrated sigh and ran his hands into his long hair. “I’ve been in violation of the contract for months and it’s getting worse.”

Remus froze. “Sorry?”

“I…I fancy you, Remus. I do, and I can’t fancy you and continue to pay you to date me. So I was planning to pay out the rest of your contract because this was my fault—and make sure you were set up. And then we could…I don’t know. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see me again. This is a total violation of…”

Sirius was cut off when Remus pressed his fingers to Sirius’ lips. “I broke it.” Sirius lifted an eyebrow in question, still unable to speak beyond Remus’ fingers. “I violated it before we got started, because I fancied you the moment I saw you sat on our sofa waiting for Reg. But I entered into it anyway—because I’m foolish and I’m so sorry.”

Sirius gulped, then carefully pulled Remus’ fingers down. “Are we really such absolute fools we didn’t notice?”

Remus let out a choked laugh as Sirius tugged him closer. “I suppose so.”

Sirius ran his fingers into Remus’ hair, drawing him so close their foreheads pressed together, and his eyes slipped closed. “Everyone told me you had a look about your face when we were together. But I brushed it off. I didn’t want to…to assume. And you were so closed off.”

“You shut me out,” Remus defended, grabbing his shoulders.

“I was protecting myself,” Sirius argued. He dropped his head lower to snuffle along Remus’ neck. “I didn’t want to get hurt again.”

Remus felt his heart clench, and he cupped Sirius’ chin, drawing his face back up. “I know about Benjy. Regulus told me after the…the article. And I’m not…this isn’t…” He took a breath. “I’m happy with you exactly as you are. Okay?”

Sirius nodded. “I never thought you weren’t. Remus, you’re not like him and that’s not why I shied away. I just wanted to do this right for fucking once, and instead my heart got in the way and…I feel like an idiot.”

“You’re not,” Remus murmured. He moved his hand, running his thumb along Sirius’ bottom lip and smiled gently when the other man let out a shaking breath. “Or you are. But I’m just as much. Only you know I can’t take payment from you anymore.”

Sirius let out a small laugh. “I know. Unethical and all that.”

Remus shook his head. “The worst.”

“Only I was thinking,” Sirius said very quietly, “James and Lily are getting married, you know? Or well he’s planning to propose and she’ll say yes.”

Remus chuckled. “Suppose that she will.”

“So if I were to say... spoil my incredibly cute boyfriend with a cosy flat and no stress about monthly income until he finishes his dissertation and gets his swotty professorship…”

“Sirius,” Remus said very carefully, “we’re not even dating yet.”

“Bollocks. We’ve been dating for months.” When Remus scoffed, Sirius gave him a shove. “It counts.”

Remus felt something warm growing in the pit of his stomach and he let out a tiny sigh. “Boyfriend, am I?”

“That’s what I’m paying for, isn’t it?”

Remus’ eyes went wide, and he shoved him again. “Wanker!”

Sirius laughed, then dove at him, pinning him to the bed. His lips hovered just over Remus’ nearly touching, but not quite. “I really want to kiss you, Remus. More than I have ever wanted anything.”

Remus reached up, fisting his fingers into the front of Sirius’ t-shirt. “Do it. Please.”

It was all Sirius needed to close the gap between them. Their lips crashed together, like they had during the charity ball, and a hesitant tongue swept out, asking for permission. Remus opened under Sirius’ mouth easy and giving back just as much. Sirius groaned, making Remus shiver and clutch him tighter as their tongues slid together over and over.

“Fuck,” Sirius said, finally pulling back. “Fucking hell.”

Remus swallowed. “We should stop. Because if we don’t I’m going to want…to carry on and I can’t defile the house like that right now.”

Sirius snickered and pressed a soft kiss to the end of Remus’ nose. “When we get home, I am going to strip you down and suck you until you beg.”

“Fuck,” Remus growled. “Honestly, are you trying to kill me?”

“No. I rather like having you alive and well and wanting me.”

Remus rolled his eyes, and shoved Sirius to the side, though he kept an arm tight round his waist. Nuzzling into the side of Sirius’ neck, Remus let out a sigh. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t think I would have been able to do this alone.”

Sirius reached between them, pressing the flat of his palm to the place on Remus’ ribs where his heart was thudding. “I told you, Remus. I’m here for you. Because I want to be.”

*** 

Remus left his mother’s home feeling lighter than before. For her acceptance, for his new adventure in real relationships with Sirius Black. The pressing weight of his father’s death hung over his head, but his mother had taken him aside before he’d gone, and hugged him tight.

“He never hated you. He was scared,” she whispered.

Remus felt his heart clench as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I love him, Ima. Don’t ever think I don’t.”

She let out a watery laugh and cupped Remus’ cheek. “He knew. You were the best thing in his life, and he knew it. The stubborn bastard that he was, even in his anger it was always you.”

Remus sighed, letting a few tears slip out and he kissed her cheek again. “I’ll come back for yahrzeit. And plan to stay a while.”

“I hope to see you before then,” she said carefully.

Remus nodded. “I’m not going to disappear. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Remus felt a sense of closure on the flight back, nuzzled up with Sirius trading lazy kisses and telling stories about his father when he was a boy. He didn’t feel great. He knew there would be a part of him that was sad over the loss forever. For how they’d parted, and how Remus had never got to tell his dad how much he appreciated the way he’d grown up. He’d never felt unloved, not really. In spite of his father’s anger.

But he knew there was something better ahead. With Sirius’ arms round him tight and firm, and knowing that he was wanted.

They arrived back in London in the early evening, and Sirius wouldn’t let Remus back to his. “Reg is at yours and I want…” Sirius swallowed. “Please?”

There wasn’t a force on the earth that could make Remus say no.

Luckily James was either at work or out with Lily, so they scrambled straight to the bedroom and instantly made good work of their clothes. Remus took his time undressing his now-lover, nibbling at every inch of skin he could find.

His hand trailed over the curve of Sirius’ hip, up his ribs, between his breasts, and along his back. Sirius arched into the touch as Remus mouthed at his pulse-point, and his other hand trailed lower, inching up a thigh. “May I?” he whispered.

Sirius nodded, canting his hips upward. “God yes please,” he begged.

Remus fingers dipped lower, parting folds, pushing against his wetness and then up his clit. Sirius gasped, his legs trembling, and before long he was scrambling in his drawer for a condom. Remus slipped it on, kissing Sirius brusingly hard as he pushed himself inside.

Sirius set the pace, a fast, rapid, pulsing in and out with a fierce grip on shoulders. His face was red, breath hitching in his chest as he clenched round Remus and pulled him in, deeper, the thrusts longer and languid. 

Before long he was coming, crying Remus’ name into the crook of his lover’s neck, and that was all it took to pull Remus with him.

A few sharp movements and Remus was pulsing and coming hotly into the condom.

It was perfect and imperfect. It was sweaty and Remus’ muscles ached but he rolled to the side and cleared everything up, and warm arms drew him to the soft pillows. “I’ve fallen for you, you know,” Sirius whispered, brushing a stray lock of damp curl from Remus’ forehead.

A small smile played at Remus’ lips. “Lucky you, I feel the very same.”

Sirius’ smile lit up bright and happy, and he nuzzled his nose alongside Remus’. “Now that I’ve got you, I’m not letting you go. I hope you realise this.”

Remus held him tight. “Wouldn’t you know? I was counting on it.”

*** 

**Epilogue**

Remus approached the headstone, his father’s name glinting in the harsh sun. The floppy hat Sirius had shoved on his head, and the coating after coating of sun cream did little to stop the unforgiving rays, but right now he didn’t care. He had his lover’s hand, and the ground was soft beneath is feet as he approached.

Letting Sirius go, Remus knelt down, wincing at the ache in his back. He’d just come off a surgery on his kidney—the doctor finally giving him the okay to travel which set back his plans for yahrzeit, but he had a feeling the Universe would understand. And hopefully so would his father.

Reaching out, he traced the name John Lupin with his hand, then the date. Too close to Remus’ birthday for comfort. Close enough to make the day bitter sweet, no matter how much love and affection he had in his life now.

His head bowed, and he whispered a quiet prayer before he started talking. “I got engaged. Sirius proposed on my birthday because he’s a git, and was trying to make it all romantic. I never thought being in love would be like this—but I’m glad it is. It’s funny because I picked up the phone to ring you, then remembered I couldn’t. So I thought what better time than to come visit. Sirius wants an autumn wedding, and I thought you might have liked that. You’d have liked him, you know. Stubborn bastards, the both of you.” His throat clenched and he took a breath, unmindful of the few tears.

“Ima’s moving back to Wales. She thinks Sirius and I will have children and she’s not going to miss out on being a savta, of course. And if we do actually carry on with this barmy parenting idea, I’ll make sure they knew what a great sabba they have. Of course who really knows. But I’m a professor now. Amazing as it is. Got a job at King’s teaching history. I thought you’d be proud.” Remus swallowed thickly, then reached out and pressed his hand to the headstone. “I’ll come back again, you know. You won’t be forgotten.”

With that, he rose, letting Sirius pull him close and press a kiss to his cheek. “Alright?”

Remus nodded, his throat still a bit thick. “I am. It’s…I miss him. It’s so hard but I’m okay.”

Sirius smiled gently as they started back toward the car. They were helping Hope pack up now. She’d given the house to her sister to keep but she knew she wouldn’t be back. Remus knew it as well, but everyone was pragmatic enough not to mention it.

Things were better now. James and Lily were married and expecting—it had all happened so fast, but no one was more pleased than Sirius for his brother. The wedding had been grand as ever, and the Potters were over the moon about a grandchild, though they’d been the ones harping on the idea of Remus and Sirius at least thinking about adoption once the wedding was over.

The idea of a family was foreign to Remus, who had believed once he wouldn’t find someone to love him, let alone want a future like this. And now he was here, a hand in his, a heart beating for himself and for someone else.

As they reached the car, Remus gently pushed Sirius back against it and kissed him slow and careful, pouring everything he wanted to say into it, without using his words.

Sirius groaned, then reached up to thread his fingers under the hat, into Remus’ hair. It fell to the pavement, but neither of them paid it any mind. “What was that for?”

“Because I love you. I want you all the time. You’re the stars to my moon and all that other rubbish.”

Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes. “How did I fall in love with such a ridiculous nerd?”

“You paid me,” Remus said solemnly.

Sirius cheeks pinked, but he grabbed Remus by the collar and hauled him in for one more kiss. “I guess it worked out in the end though, didn’t it?”

Remus grinned, pushing his forehead to his future husband’s. “Yeah. It absolutely did.”


End file.
